Shames and Intrigues

When we did something that demeans our image in the society, it’s only natural to feel shame. Yet too much obsession of what others will think and say can turn shameful feeling to something even worse. Society will always relish intrigues and gossips, issues that become talks of coffee shops and parlors. Eventually it becomes so blown out of proportion. Most of the time it becomes more distorted every time it passes from one person to another and almost always it gets muddier and dirtier instead of the other way around.

We all have skeletons in our closets. We all have our failures, our boo-boos and problems. No one is exempted. Remember the surest way to fan the flame is to deny (unless it’s really not true). Showing them your fear and then letting them know how much it is affecting you is the surest way of giving them absolute control over you. Society can sense that, it energizes them. Before long it’s already driving you crazy and you become paranoid. The next thing, you can’t even look at them straight eye-to-eye.

So how do you deal with them?

1. If the issue is already out and it’s the truth, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, then go out and admit it. Believe me, all worst scenario are already played out in your mind. Nothing can be worse than worst anymore.
2. Give them that “So what, it’s really none of your business” look. Remember the more you showed them you don’t care, the less they have control over you. Sometimes when you stand up and admit it point-blank in their face, they will be surprised and will back off, contrite and embarrassed, especially those who are adding fuel to the flame. I’ve had my shares of embarrassing and shameful moments. At 1st I was just like everybody, evading the issue, avoiding it. It’s killing me. Eventually when I learned to just admit, then go ahead, you’ll be surprised how quickly it will kill the issue. Then they will go out and look for the next victim-to-be.
3. Sometimes by openly admitting your faults, you are actually gaining admirers and friends. A lot of them out there are in the same predicament, suffering-in-silence but don’t have the guts to lay it all on the table. You’ll be amazed how many of them will approach you to open up their feelings as well. They know after what you’ve gone through, you will understand and be non-judgmental with them.
4. You get to know the true colors of people you knew (your friends, relatives and so forth) and those who really cares for you. It is during this trying moments that distinguish a friend from an acquaintance because a true friend will always be there even when things are not going right for you. They are your friends regardless of your reputation.
5. Take it as a lesson and move ahead in life. You could even become a model of “how to rebound from adversity”. But if you keep on denying and shying away from it you’ll be stuck.

So shame, like heaven and hell, is really a state of mind. Feeling of shame starts and ends with us. We show no fear, nobody can really touch us.