Shyness Can be Unlearned

Shyness can be Unlearned

Seventy five percent of us think of ourselves as shy and we miss out on fun and opportunities because of it. Conversation does become much easier if you are introduced to people, but at large gatherings you cant count on it. You may have to fend for yourself. Waiting for anyone to find you and introduce themselves to you is futile. Chances are they won’t. People who wait for others to come to them are often found in the corner by themselves, envying those who who are out talking to people. The truth is, people who sit by themselves waiting for others to come to them are often considered aloof and unfriendly, when really they only believe themselves shy.

They may not be shy at all, shyness can be a learned response. If it is said that a youngster is shy often enough, he begins to believe it about himself. But the good news is, anything that has been learned can be unlearned. Successful people have learned to overcome their shyness and with a little effort we can all do the same.

Very few people will be openly hostile to you but it’s a risk you must take. If they do give you an uninterested look, it hurts. But you must accept the challenge when you are in a room full of people. If you don’t take the risk you will never make new friends and contacts. One thing we can do to give ourselves more courage is a good positive talking to. It’s time to leave the old familiar shy way behind and find a new better way that works to our advantage.

To be more comfortable, think about what you have in common with the people before you get to a gathering. You are bound to have some common ground since you are going to the same function. You very likely have friends in common, or have children. If you think of yourself as shy, you need to have a practiced self introduction so you will know exactly what you will say. That includes you name and something about you, like what you do, or how you are connected to the hostess.. Your introduction needs to be only a few seconds but it should be essential information. Once you have a planned introduction you will be more at ease.

Okay, now you have a starting place. Walk up to someone who is standing alone and looks as shy as you feel.  Make eye contact and say hi. Introduce yourself and ask them about themselves. Observe something in the room and comment on it. Continue to practice  at every function and soon, you won’t need a plan at all. You will be off and running. You will soon develop “Chutzpah” which allows you to accept rejection and the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start right over again.

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