Stepchildren

My partners daughters has just come to live with us. Her Mother is remarried and her stepfather treated her unwell. So now i find myself being a step mother. I think that under no circumstances should a step parent try to take the place of the child’sreal parent. This just can’t happen. It’s the biggest mistake i think that people make. A child from another relationship is very fragile. They have lots of issues to deal with. For starters, they are dealing with the fact that their parents are no longer together. Deciding whom they wish to live with can be extremelydifficult for them. Most children love both of their parents. This is a very hard decision for them to make. Once doing so, they sometimes have to live with step parents. Making the mistake of trying to take over the roll as a real parent of the child, is one of the biggest mistakes most step parents make. The child hates a stranger entering their life and trying to take over as a parent. This often makes a child became rebellious. Once the child becomes rebellious, all sorts of problem then occurin the relationship of the couple. I feel most relationships will then fail. Under no circumstances should a parent put their new partner over the child. The child’s needs and wants should be the real parents priority.

A step parent should try to make the child feel as comfortableas possible with them. Show them they care for them and aren’t interested in taking over the role of the real parent. Try to be their for them, listen to their wants and needs. It takes big adjustments on both sides. Just being their for them and showing them you care and listening to them always helps. Be understanding, let the child continue a relationship with their real parents if possible. Never try to tell them what to do or order them around. If you feel they are making a mistake, explain to them why you think that they are. Don’t be laying down the law. Always let them know that the real parent is the person whom is responsible for all decisions made in their day to day care. If the child is left with you for a time and you are responsible for allowing and disallowing them to do things. Always consider that ultimately it”s  the real parents wishes that are followed, not your own. If you are asked something you don’t know the answer to, or are not sure what the real parents wishes are, explain this to the child, so they understand that they need the permission from the real parent. Explain that you don’t want to allow or disallow until the real parent is consulted.

Always bare in my each situation is different and the age of the child has a lot to do with it too. Teenagers are hardest to deal with. They are much more a where of things going on around them. Toddlers are easier as they should just be treated with common sense.