Ten Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend

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Ten Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend

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1)      Calling other girls on his phone while you are together is a good sign you should dump your boyfriend.

2)      Calls you by some other girl’s name means you should dump him.

3)      Constantly looking around to see what he can see instead of giving you his undivided attention.

4)      Not attending to personal hygiene is a sure sign he doesn’t care.  Either that or he is just a pig, and then only girl pigs would want him.  Bathing is very important.  So is oral hygiene.  Maybe not a manicure but at least washed hands and trimmed nails.  Taped together akimbo looking glasses are a sure sign of either laziness or cheapness or both.  Floppy hats are for kids, and baseball caps don’t go with suit and tie.  Decent shoes are a must.  Leather, not athletic.

5)      If he asks you to carry his dope so the cops won’t bust him when they search him you should think about the direction of your relationship.  In some circles it is a compliment, so you have to decide which way you are going to go on this.  The quality of the dope would be a good way to decide.

6)      If he picks you up in a different car every time you see him, and he uses a screwdriver for a key you should consider walking to a nice restaurant, or dumping him for someone who owns a bike.

7)      If his dangerous looking friends call him by a different name than you call him, and talk in code about that “thing” and “that other thing”, you should either dump him or ask him to get you a small pistol to keep those creeps off of you.

8)      If the cops call him by his name before he hands them his fake license you know there is a chance he will be leaving you soon anyway, especially if you are in one of those cars with the screwdriver key.  (note: carry enough cash to either bribe the cops or make bail for yourself)

9)      Receiving stolen gifts is a turn off to some women, so ask for receipts.

10)    If he works late at night (that is when he works) with a nylon stocking pulled over his face you have to get rid of him.  Decent crooks are handsome and fairly vain about their looks.  You probably have a serial killer on your hands, and though the sex might be good, sooner or later you are going to end up chopped liver.

Lagniappe: Burping, picking his nose, scratching his crabs or digging in his ass are turn offs to most girls.  Of course if this clown is some billionaire getting ready to die you might want to lower your standards.  Some tripped out rock stars and prima donna athletes only eat green m&ms or something, so make sure they make enough money so you can hire someone to take care of that dumb shit.  Lolling around the casa gorging one’s self on bon-bons is the goal here, so make sure you don’t end up having to wipe this sonofabitch’s butt after he vegetates himself trying to shoot drano.  Put that in the pre-nup.

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http://www.triond.com/users/LewSethics

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http://authspot.com/short-stories/dont-look-now-but-your-show-is-slipping/2/

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http://socyberty.com/relationships/ten-signs-you-should-dump-your-girlfriend/

http://musicouch.com/instruments/string/charlie-daniels-hell-on-violins/

http://authspot.com/poetry/run-with-scissors-kick-the-cat/

http://authspot.com/poetry/one-day-at-the-cartoon-club/

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