The Art of Conversation

Don’t dominate the conversation the entire time. Everybody has something interesting to say – not just you – and deserves to say it – again, not just you – so everybody should get a turn to speak (ideally an equal amount of time, but this usually does not happen, so just strive to keep it as equal as possible). A good rule of thumb is to try not to talk longer than 5 minutes straight: after those 5 minutes, observe your listeners very closely (you should do this all the time when you are talking, but even more so after those 5 minutes are up) to make sure they are still interested before you go on. Even then, try to keep your stories and information-giving under five minutes.

After 5 minutes of listening to just one person, the conversation usually begins to feel more like a lecture on the part of the listeners, who cannot interrupt without being rude. If you are not over-dominating the conversation and you find somebody interrupting when you haven’t completed your story (certain people tend to do this often: this is especially important if the interrupter seems to be in the habit of interrupting you and the others speaking), politely say that you were not finished. Call them out on it, but with manners. If they apologize (say it’s ok, then go on) or stop talking, continue as if nothing happened to spare everyone further embarrassment.

On that note, avoid interrupting others yourself. Wait for your turn. If there is someone who is rambling on and over-dominating – and you can tell that most of the others are not interested in listening – wait for a pause (even the slightest one, which might be just for the chatterbox to take a breath) to break in with something of your own to say. Talk for a minute or two before asking somebody else a question to get them involved and start the conversational ball rolling again. Make eye contact with your audience when you are talking, and do the same with the talker when you are listening (smile, nod, and reply in appropriate places to show your interest, respect, and attention – all things which you want when you are the talker. Also, ask questions you might have when he/she takes a break from talking – this helps to show your interest, also).

When it is time to end the conversation and it must be abrupt (do to a time constraint of some sort), say something like “It’s been nice talking with you, but I have to go do [fill in the blank]. Maybe we can chat again some other time,” then say your goodbyes and take your leave. If it’s come to an awkward lull in the conversation and you just want to be done with it, you could use the aforementioned strategy, simply move slowly toward another conversational group nearby (never do this if you’ll be leaving somebody all alone), or say “Well, nice to see you” or “Nice talking to you” and walk away.

These are a few tips that might make the art of conversation seem a little less stressful and more enjoyable for all involved.