This is a continual discussion of my previous article Growing in Positivism.

Parenting and teaching are both painstaking and challenging jobs. When it comes to lecturing, teaching or instructing, not many of us know how to communicate effectively and thus both parties have trapped into a communication gap with their children or students.  The bad communication has led to many social problems among the children, youngsters and students.

There are some things not recommended to say in front of your child/ student. Don’t label them as “stupid” as this tantamount labelling leads to damaging their confidence and self-esteem. Extended calling of “stupid” can lead them to a negative thought, causing them to question their own intelligence.

It’s very common to hear phrases like “How many times I told you not to do so”, “You shouldn’t have repeated that”, “I told you not to do that”, “You should have listened to me”, “Why are you so stupid?” and etc. Do you know that these phrases can unconsciously hurt the feeling and self-esteem of your child/student?

When you keep on repeating the word “always”, it shows to them that you’re criticizing or judging them by not given them a chance to improve their mistakes, behaviors or wrongdoings.

It’s very natural that your child/student cares much of their appearances. This is particularly obvious among the teenagers, so you should avoid phrases like “Why is James/your brother so handsome and you aren’t?” or “Why is Jane/ your sister so pretty and you aren’t?” These remarks will definitely damage their social confidence, courage and self-esteem.

It’s not advisable to say “I don’t love you and I regret having you as my child/student.”These choices of words can kill their feelings, as they may feel unsecured, unprotected and unwanted. When they take these words seriously, they may have separated themselves from a group of people. Instead, they should be brought up in an environment of love, acceptance, mercy, and tolerance.

Labelling your child/student as “weak”, “hopeless”, or “useless” should be avoided. This means that you’re estimating them on their emotions which are not helpful enough to establish a good communication between both of you.

Instead, your child/student should be encouraged with positive affirmation to help developing their self-esteem and confidence. These best choice words are thus important as they’re special gifts you can give them to establish a healthy mutual belief, understanding, while strengthening your relationship with them.

“I’m sorry”

Everyone tends to make a mistake. “Error” is unavoidable. As the adult is a good role model to the youngsters, it’s very important to admit your fault to them. By doing this, you actually strengthen your relationship with them by building up mutual belief, respect and trust. So, next time, when they make mistakes, it’s very natural for them to admit their mistakes in front of you.

“I forgive you”

When the child/student does something wrong, you should forgive him/her. Upon your acceptance, they’ll feel secure and understand that the act of your unconditional love. Additionally, a feel of being forgiven sets your child/student to have a zero feeling of guilty and rejection.

“Thank you”

When your child/student receive either tangible or non-tangible thing, they should be taught to say “thank you”. In this way, they’ll learn to appreciate whatever thing they receive. This is a truly grateful expression for a giver. Indeed, “thank you” is two-wonderful-word to share with your child/student while teaching them to have grateful attitude towards things they received.

“That’s very courageous of you”

Your child/student might be prone to manipulation, fear and intimidation if they lost soul of “courage”. Courage, when combines with the rightful action and understanding, it can assist the child/ student to take the right action and do the right thing.

“I love you”

Your child/student will learn to have faith and confidence with those people around them, when they feel emotionally secure. Embrace them with hug and love whenever they need is essential to promote affectionate feeling within their inner heart. This is particularly important for the youngsters or little children age from one to five. Whenever you finish lecturing or discipline them for any wrongdoings, remember to end off saying “I love you”, accompanying with a big hug. By doing so, you’ve reaffirmed them your endless love.

“Are you free for a chat?”

When your child/student lives with friendliness, they don’t feel alone. Instead, they feel that the world is a nice place to dwell in. They know that they’re loved and at times, they learn to love in return. As their parents/teachers, you should show your eagerness to learn about their life at school and at home, and do show your interest to know more about their daily experiences. The practical way is that parents should invite their friends or schoolmates home and be part of their activities. It’s very important to serve them as a friend, particularly when they feel like they don’t have someone to play with. Spend some valuable time with them and ask them for a chat. By doing so, the communication gap between both parties can be avoided.

“Good job! I’m really proud of you!”

If your child/student lives with encouragement and support, they’ll learn to be confidence besides having a healthy self-esteem developed in their heart.

“It’s OK to make mistakes”

This will teach your child/student to learn how to love and accept their strengths and weaknesses. You actually tell them that they’re being loved, accepted and forgiven. As a return, they’ll also accept and forgive those who did mistakes as they’ve learnt that making mistakes is part and parcel of learning and life.

“I’m glad you told me about it!”

It’s always understandable that busy and distracted parents/teachers will tend to tune out a chatty child/student. However, if you always repeat this by ignoring them, you send the message that listening is not important. They’ll think that what they’d said is pointless as it doesn’t mean much to you. Due to this reason, they’ll try to keep away from you, and even they’ll feel no necessary to talk or to share stories with you. To rescue this situation, you should take time to listen and tell them how much you appreciate them for telling you.

“I see that you’re really trying your best”

These choice of words enable your child/student to feel that they’re being given attention and recognition for whatever effort they’ve put in. As a result, they’ll learn to set goals for themselves while helping them to establish a healthy self-esteem.

“I’m proud of your honesty”

When you say this to your child/student, you actually show how you care about them to know the truth, even though it might be painful or shameful experience for them to share with you. These phrases show that how you accept them on behalf of their honesty. Moreover, they may feel that you’re willing to stand by them. Due to your unconditional care and love, they’re willing to tell you the truth instead of burying the fact.

“This must be great/important to you”

Don’t always dismiss your child’s / student’s emotions as “silly”, “ridiculous” and “crazy”. The act of thinking them as “inconsequential” may lead them to a negative thought. For them, the emotions are obviously important and they have a strong desire to let other persons know that whatever they feel is not a small matter.  At this point, you should take your time listening to them in an empathetic way so that they know you’re paying attention and taking their existence seriously.

“I believe you”

A child/student doesn’t quite understand about the true value of being believed. When you tell them that you believe on them, it builds up their healthy self-esteem and confidence. These three powerful words give them a positive mental framework by telling them that trust is important in their daily lives.

“Thank you for waiting patiently for my response”

If your child/student is taught with the great value of patience, they’ll live with tolerance and understanding. In turn, they learn to be patience with others while waiting for the other party’s response.

Also read,

• How to have a good relationship with your parents
• Eight effective tips to let your child speak to you
• How often do we think about our parents?
• Proper moral teachings lead the way to better ties
• A mother’s love is priceless