The Most Important Person is You

Remembering the most important person yourself; you can change the complete world. Herewith are some topics that may help improving.

In my work as a Psychologist and executive consultant I have found that many individuals have difficulty setting limits for themselves. In counselling we often refer to this as setting boundaries. Healthy boundaries are absolutely essential in maintaining good interpersonal relationships. Possessing set boundaries equates to having a clear definition of self which includes who am I, what are my values, what do I stand for, and what is most important to me.

Poorly developed boundaries can make an individual vulnerable to taking on someone else’s priorities. Poor boundaries also lead a person into believing they are responsible for others feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Typically, individuals with poor boundaries are either very controlling or very easily controlled. Visualize an individual with extremely damaged boundaries. They are very often open to being mistreated or manipulated. In the most extreme situations, a lack of boundaries can mean having no way to protect ones self from an unfortunate wide range of abuse by others.

Another way of looking at boundaries is to think of them as being external or internal. Admittedly this division is artificial, yet useful in further understanding your own personal boundaries. I will describe both external and internal boundaries from the perspective of the role they play in a person’s life.

External boundaries allow us to have a clear sense of how close we physically permit ourselves to get to another individual. A person with healthy external boundaries has a sort of radar that automatically communicates to them if they should move more towards or away from certain individuals. People with poorly developed external boundaries leave themselves vulnerable to being physically and/or sexually manipulated or mistreated. Individuals often exhibit their poorly developed external boundaries by rigidly keeping away from others or frequently allowing them to penetrate their own physical boundaries. Some may rapidly fluctuate between these two interpersonal strategies.

Internal boundaries allow a person to contain and protect their values, beliefs, and life priorities. Saying a person has a strong and stable sense of self equates to having well developed internal boundaries, or a clear and comfortable identity. Individuals with healthy internal boundaries take responsibility for their behavior. They are clear about and able to stake claim to what is most important to them.

On the other hand, having poorly developed internal boundaries makes you a prime target to what some have referred to as energy vampires. These energy vampires can drain someone’s energy and exploit them. Having poor boundaries will lead you to say yes when you want to say no and vice versa. Having poor boundaries means living life in a very exhausting, small and narrow manner.