Tough Love

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With children comes the phrase tough love.  What is tough love? Through my own personal walk I found what tough love is all about.

As a young adult I was troubled in many ways.  I remember the first time my parents found that I was smoking and drinking. My parents set me down and told me it was wrong but it was my decision. That was all that was said.

I remember when my parents found out that I was having sex and doing things that were not healthy.  So I had another talk with my Dad.  The advice he gave me was good but I was not listening.  There were no consequences for my actions till later in my life.

As a young parent I remember all the things I did not like about my parents so I tried to be the parent I wanted.  The problem with that was I was still not balanced.  I was in an unhealthy relationship with their Father so the dysfunction continued.

I ended up being a single parent of three strong willed boys for a while.  My house was basically run by them.  I felt guilty about everything so I was always trying to make them happy.

My lack of discipline and boundaries were my down fall as a parent.  My love for my children has always been there.  The problem I found in my life is I grew up with my children.  I was not mature enough emotionally to be raising children. 

As the years went by and another marriage I finally started seeing what I needed to do as a parent but by that time I had lost the upper hand as the parent but it is never too late. 

As I started getting healthy in myself I started being a stronger parent.  My oldest son died at sixteen.  My middle son had a lot of issues from emotionally problems to drug problems.   My youngest son was basically left to himself.

When my oldest son died was the turning point in my life.  I had to let my middle son fall and suffer the consequences of his actions because he would not listen or obey anything I had to say.  My youngest was a different emotional make up.  It took time but we were able to get things worked out. 

It took tough love on my part as a parent to save my boys.

I had remarried for the third time to a good man.  He taught me how to use tough love.  We had to kick out my middle son because he would not obey the house rules.  He has been in TYC and prison, now he is out.  He understands now why we had to do what we did.  By tough love we have saved his life.  Now he wants to be part of the family again.

Sometimes we have to let go of the ones we love to save them from themselves.

D. parsons

2-9-2010