Ways to Communicate and Have People Listening and Responding

Communication is something that is so important in any relationship yet few people bother to improve their communication styles. The reason for many failed relationships is lack of or poor communication.  Communication does not entail only verbal words but includes body language and the manner of communication. The communication theory argues that one cannot not communicate. Even in silence one is communicating.  

Sandeep & Lyle Sussman, in the book “Smart moves” suggest eight assumptions that one should have when communication with another as follows;

1. Communication skills are acquired more than they are inborn- do not assume you are a natural communicator because by so doing you will mis-communicate.  

2) Assume the next message you send will be misunderstood- this will make you more cautious and thoughtful.

3) Do not worry about being clear, instead your concern should be about being understood.  

4) The meaning of a word cannot be found in a dictionary – Definitions are in dictionaries while meanings are found in people.

5) The meaning people get from you comes less from what you say than from how you say it- Your tone of voice and your body language account for over 90% of the meaning received.

6) Whenever two people are in each other’s presence, they communicate- Whether they talk to one another or not some communication is going on.

7) 87% of the information stored in people’s minds entered through their eyes- When your words conflict with your actions your listener will believe the actions, in other words they will believe what they see than what they hear.

Communication is a complex, ongoing, dynamic and changing process- do not take anything for granted if your relationships are to thrive.

So how can you strategize to improve your communication style and have people listen to you?http://www.flickr.com/photos/assbach/262165233/

a) Start by picturing your communication goal before you speak- Visualize what you want the listener to look like, feel like, and do as a result of your words.

b) Know your listener in relation to their knowledge, their experiences, and their feelings among such attributes.  

c) Know yourself as a communicator i.e. understand your communication style- Ask yourself how your values, thoughts, patterns, vocabulary, tone of voice, speech, moods, body language and overall presence affect the meaning the listeners receive.

d) Put your listeners in the picture- Use vivid language, tell complete stories and paint full pictures that listeners can “see” with their ears. Use examples, metaphors and analogies choosing words that convey specific, concrete images.

e) Convince your listeners- show your conviction, confidence and enthusiasm through your tone of voice and body language. Appeal to the self interest of your listeners who continually ask “what’s in it for me?”

f) Stroke your listeners- leave your listeners feeling good about themselves and about you. Be supportive and caring. Do not accuse, belittle, violate expectations or over generalize. Be a good listener to your listeners.

g) Control time and place- Send messages when listeners are ready for them and feel the need for them. Choose a location that is consistent with and reinforces the meaning you wish to convey.

h) Assess and respond to results- What are your listeners telling you? What did they do as a result of your message? Have you been understood? Why or why not?

These strategies can be used with your children. Most times parents send mixed messages and children are confused and keep doing the same things to the frustration of the parents. Make sure your message is communicated effectively and clearly and ask for the child to repeat what you said to ensure they have been listening and they understand what you need from them.