Ways to Deal with Critical People

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You feel yourself starting to cringe. An unwelcome critique of your work, personality, family, or some other aspect of your life is about to be delivered. The world is filled with people who seem incapable of saying anything nice or in a kind way. They excuse their words in numerous ways. Some will say that they always tell the truth. Others will admit to being blunt in their speech. A few will offer no excuses for their critical ways. The problem is how to properly deal with this type of person.

You can try to stoop to their level.

This rarely is effective or satisfying. Because people never really see themselves as others do, efforts to repay their unkind words with some of your own only results in misunderstandings and hurt feelings. While some would argue that this is a good outcome, the majority of people do not want to be considered rude and obnoxious. A few minutes after unloading damaging words, you are likely to feel somewhat revulsed at your own actions. You can never make yourself look better by lowering your standards.

Ignore the criticisms of critical people.

This approach can have some value if the person is a well known blow hard that no one really regards as worth hearing. However, you do not do a service to your family or friends to stand by while they are demeaned without some type of response. Seldom will you find that critical people figure out that they have been ignored. In fact, most of them will seek out opportunities to spread their venom in the presence of strangers to gain maximum attention.

Look for ways to soften their blows.

Whether the criticism is of you or someone else, negative comments that exceed the level of the error or flaw, need to be addressed and corrected. This can usually be done by simply pointing out to the critical person that the harshness of the punishment is greater than the crime. That is, what was said was not actually deserved. This may not be well received, but if it is presented correctly, it should leave little room for a meaningful retort. Using a soft approach at this point will be somewhat disarming for the critical person.

Avoid critical people.

This can be far and away the easiest way to deal with critical people, but you have not handled them. When one of these individuals asks why they are being avoided, you have a decision to make. You can lie and tell the person that it is just a coincidence that you have been missing each other. You can tell the truth and admit that you are tired of listening to their constant stream of negative comments and do not intend to be subjected to them in the future. This method can be effective as long as the person actually has feelings. Some critical people view themselves as perfect and all criticism directed their way is seen as the babbling of fools and is ignored.

Find ways to alert others to the problem before they can be ambushed.

Many sensitive people are harmed by those who are thoughtless about how and how much they criticize others. While you do not want to just become a gossip, helping others by warning them about what to expect can be a good thing. You do run the risk that one of the people that you warn will become a snitch and sell you out. This is not always a bad thing because at least someone told the critic how people feel. Sometimes, you just have to be the fall guy in a bad situation for it to have a chance to improve.