What to Do When You Crash Your Bike

#1. Look around you. If you see a number of buildings, there’s probably a hospital nearby in case you need one. If there are almost no buildings, or none whatsoever, but instead see a bunch of trees, you’re in the country, possibly even in the middle of nowhere. Don’t worry, if you call now, the longest it could take the paramedics is a couple weeks, depending on where you are. If you see a bright light, you died, so there’s not much sense in doing anything about it unless you’re just looking into the sun.

#2. Analyze your injuries. Unless you were going really fast, like 40+ mph, you shouldn’t have any bad injuries. But if you actually had to think about what you were looking at in step 1, you’re delusional and should’ve been wearing a helmet. If you ran directly into a tree without a helmet, there’s no chance for survival, especially at 40+ mph. Assuming you have no head injury, look at anything that hurts on your body. Broken limbs should be checked by a doctor. If you have a giant gash and you’re losing a lot of blood, then if you looked this up after the crash, and are in the middle of nowhere, congratulations! You have Verizon! You also would’ve passed out from blood loss by now, so let’s hope you didn’t look this up on the fly!

#3. Seek medical assistance. This could take anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 weeks, depending on where you are. As long as you have a cell phone, you’re fine as long as it doesn’t take 2 weeks. No cell phone, no help, usually. In which case, perform First Aid on yourself. Didn’t learn First Aid? You’re as good as dead now.

#4. Get off the road as soon as possible. I know I should’ve said something before, so someone’s probably hit you by now, but just in case they haven’t, I’m saying it now, otherwise medical assistance won’t be necessary.

That’s what you do if you crash your bike on a bike ride.