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Why Letting Go of The Narcissist is Hard! How I Let Go!

It is difficult to accept rejections or have our imperfections and vulnerabilities flaunt before our very eyes mercilessly. Accepting my imperfections forced me to acknowledge that no one is perfect, not even a potential lover.

Why letting go of the narcissist is hard!  How I let go!


               An outsider often wonders why a sensible, intelligent and perceivable confident woman will allow someone as parasitic as an abusive man to haul her through the mud over and over again. The most addled context is when the woman grovels, begs and encourages the abuse by refusing to leave the relationship and entices the man back if and when he leaves.

                 Women who find it difficult to leave relationships with abusive man are basically emotionally over dependent in a relationship.  Some codependent women embrace notions of romantic idealism are also unable to let go of a narcissist in a relationship.   

        It is very easy to chastise someone who we perceived are not doing what is right. It takes someone who has a similar experience to understand the intricacies and gravities of a relationship with a narcissistic man who appears to be normal, charming and sane on the outside. 

            The best remedy for the pain, attachment and blinded love that you feel for the narcissist is to reconnect with yourself, discovering that you do not need someone’s else emotional  investment to feel happy.  Letting go of the narcissist will not bring immediate pain and solace but overtime a woman will learn to become less dependent on his companionship or emotional input for happiness, love and life.  You should follow your heart and do more of what you love and you will become less emotionally dependent and tied to the narcissist.

   The emotional distress a woman experiences may force her to return to the narcissist as a place of solace and familiarity. One of the most difficult reasons why women don’t leave is because they are afraid of starting over.  Let go and start again taking in the best of what happened and start rebuilding your life from it. I learnt many elementals of my personality that I did not know before I met a narcissist. I did not know how impulsive, indulgent and mollycoddling I was often at my own expense.  I did not realize I was a sycophant and how fragile my self esteem and confidence were, until I met him.

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User Comments
  1. LoveDoctor

    On May 23, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I admire your courage for admitting that you were desperate and fragile at some point in your life. I am glad to see the confident woman that you have become. These type of guys have this way of hooking us in and once we are hooked, it’s hard to let go. But yes, we have to do it for own self because we are valuable and special.
    Another excellent post.

  2. Laura

    On June 25, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Omg. If only I had read your articles before I investing 4 years of my life in a narcissitic relationship. I *always* knew something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I was disposed of that I started reading about narcissistic relationships and all that confusion became so clear. Thank u for posting these articles and helping me make sense of everything. I will no longer blame myself for the breakup and will begin to focus on rebuilding my self esteem.

  3. Corinne

    On July 1, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    I can totally relate to what you have said. And it\’s terribly hard to accept our own weaknesses sometimes. But like you have said, it\’s important to take the experience with a narcissist as a way of looking at ourselves and working on those areas we may have been so blind to.
    Reading up on narcissism and reading articles like these is what has helped me through a traumatic experience with my ex. I blamed myself entirely for a year, begged for understanding and compassion on his part, got caught in a game of \”feed me and I\’ll give you a glimmer of hope, but I\’ll keep you at arms length\”. Although his behaviour never quite felt justified or fair, I still hung on as I was convinced by him that is was all me. Sorry was never enough, communicating was met with silence, and the chance to have this so called perfect guy I met in the beginning, kept me there. It is only now that having this experience, I realise that if I listened and trusted myself more, believed in myself more, i would\’ve had the confidence to see the situation for what it was. I was no more than a means of Narcissistic supply that he fed from. And the mourning to be done is the loss of an illusion, that\’s all.
    Thanks for your post. x

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