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10 Prison Facts You Didn’t Know

Ten facts I didn’t know about prison life and wasn’t afraid to ask.

  1. The first 14 days, you have uncontrollable diarrhea. This is the unfortunate result of bland and grotesquely unseasoned food. Not to mention, the handful of cockroaches that may have fallen in the soup.
  2. Your dreams become more vivid and lifelike than you have ever imagined. The reason for this? Your waking hours are so detestable, your days become your nightmare, your nights become your salvation.
  3. You become a better reader. There’s not much to do in prison but think, socialize, eat and read. Books become your best friend. Your own ally in a sea of sharks. If you can’t read, may God have mercy.
  4. You find out really fast who your true friends are. Those who are terrified at the thought of associating with you anymore fall swiftly through the black hole of damnation, never to be heard from again.
  5. The guards are as crooked, if not more corrupt than the convicts themselves. This is a fact. They don’t get paid enough to follow all the so called rules. It’s just that simple. Who do you think bring the drugs in?
  6. Saying the word “dude” can get you thrown in the “box” real fast. Any sign of supposed disrespect to the guards can be magnified 100 times over. I’d learn how to address those in uniform by sir or ma’am real quick, and it wouldn’t hurt to bow.
  7. Stealing your toilet paper or hiding your soap is commonplace and a sort of initiation. Take it and suffer the consequences. Stand up for yourself and gain the necessary respect to survive.
  8. Everyone is some sort of religious fanatic. Find the group that least disgusts you and tow the line.
  9. Amateur comedians run amok. Surprisingly, everyone’s got a routine, from the “yo mama so fat” to a hardcore rant that would put Dave Chappelle to shame.
  10. Homemade surgical instruments are easily honed to fire up the most artistic and graphic tattoos. Talent is abound in the pen. Just ask.
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User Comments
  1. jessica

    On January 29, 2009 at 8:47 am

    Do you have any other facts about prison? Like what they eat, what they wear, and what their privlidges are?

  2. Lion

    On April 27, 2009 at 10:33 am

    These people are criminals. & should be doing Forced Labor to Repay Society. How about chain them up, Send them to dig holes with basic hand tools, so Water has somewhere to go when it rains to much!
    What are they doing in Jail, getting FAT and learning new skills? Now they are Asking for FREE Internet?

  3. To Lion

    On April 29, 2009 at 12:18 am

    What you’re talking about is called a “chain gang.” It was done in the U.S. until 1955, whereby it was outlawed on the basis that it was completely immoral. Albeit, the whole system was based on racism, and that’s a great deal of the reason it was so immoral, but it was also seen as completely barbaric by many people. Check out the 8th amendment, you might thank the Founding Fathers for it if you’re ever thrown in prison yourself.

    Do some research, harsher prison sentences don’t work. They only breed crime, and completely defy the Bill of Rights our nation is based upon.

  4. you know?

    On May 20, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    i think that the people in prison if they are in there for murder shouldn’t be put in prison all they do is overcrowd the jails and if you take a life yours should be taken too you shouldn’t get to go somewhere to teach you a lesson or whatever they do… and be treated good, thats crap.. ):

  5. To the Author

    On September 30, 2009 at 1:42 am

    Where are you gettng your information? Regarding guards at least. My father is a prison guard, and I can tell you for a fact that not all guards are crooked or corrupt. And they don\’t all act like every criminal is a mangy beast. Oh, and the pay is actually quite good in most facilities. You might want to do a little more research to make your \”facts\” more factual.

  6. Carolyn

    On October 14, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    I literally thought this was a joke. This article absolutely disgusts me. Prisoners should HAPPY that they have life this good! Food to eat and a roof over their heads? Before you start insulting the guards, I suggest you think about thanking them considering they’re the ones keeping the murderers, etc, away from the rest of society. And I could not be happier that the inmates’ waking hours are so ‘detestable’ because the people that some of them hurt and even killed? They don’t even have waking hours.

    You really need to reconsider before you write another article.

  7. Cyndy

    On November 30, 2011 at 12:21 am

    Assholes like you are the reason people kill people and end up in prisons. Stop been so delusional and immature grow the fuck up because this world is not perfect and we are all criminals in some way or another. Yes, hunny your daddy might not be crooked according to you but 99.9% of the rest of those guards are as worst or even worst than convicts themselves. And no, this author did not insulted our guards, if truth is an insult to you well let it be, I’d rather have the world open their eyes than stay stuck to the same old bullshit and lies. It is easier to believe in a system that is there to protect us and would never brake the laws they made themselves rather than crush everyone’s dreams of the nation we live in! let the author speak this are words of wisdom that should be taken in consideration and if you dont want to hear them or read them then I suggest you dont ever come back to this site because I will be here reading and enjoying every bit of it! have you ever thought that some prisoners are there for crimes they didnt commit? Have you ever thought that there are kids out there wondering when daddy is coming home? Familys waiting to see their beloved ones? Huh, I thought so you are to bussy writing about how good they have it, how wonderful our systems are, how great our guards are, how everything is perfect without them. Did you ever think, the reasons they went there was because of needs such as poverty trying to get their family something to eat and getting cut stealing money to be able to buy medicine to keep their kids alive, or maybe defending their wife from an idiot on the streat that was trying to rape her and got away with it and he got sent to jail mean while the dude kept raping more women out there dressed in a suit! There is lots of different reasons why this humans are in prisons and most of them are not because they are heartless!

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