Bungled Burglaries: A Catalog of Misfortunes

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An exasperated judge outlined McCutcheon’s nonqualifications for a life of crime. “Whoever heard of a burglar succeeding with only one leg, a withered hand, and a glass eye? It’s time you gave it up. You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught.”

At one time “the perfect crime” was an often used expression. But some attempts seem doomed to failure from the start, whether the result of poor planning, bad luck, inept perpetrators, or a combination thereof, some crimes deserve a lesser superlative.

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In March 1978 a New York City burglar attempted to rob a supermarket by entering through the skylight. Finding the window too small, he shed his bulky clothing and hurled it through the window, was still too small.

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After some two hours on the roof on that chilly evening, the shivering burglar was forced to hail two passing police officers. They retrieving his clothing – and then arrested him.

On January 20, 1979, David Goodall, an accomplished shoplifter from Barnsley, England, entered a general store. Having helped himself to what he wanted, he made for the door – only to be stopped by no fewer than eight detectives. Unknown to him, the shop he had raided had been selected as the site for a convention of store-detectives.

Not Cut Out for the Job

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Some burglars are just not up to the demands of their profession. A burglar in Detroit was so attached to his dog that one night in 1968 he took it to work with him. Unfortunately, while making a hasty getaway, he had to leave the hound behind. To the delight of the police, all they had to do was say “home, boy,” and the faithful creature led them straight to their suspect.