Bungled Burglaries: A Catalog of Misfortunes

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And in 1971, after a reckless, drunken drive through town following his most recent robbery, Philip McCutcheon of Yorkshire, England, made his 20th appearance in court. An exasperated judge outlined McCutcheon’s nonqualifications for a life of crime. “Whoever heard of a burglar succeeding with only one leg, a withered hand, and a glass eye? It’s time you gave it up. You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught.”

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Overdrawn and Out

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Robbing a bank has usually been popular way to obtain cash, although unsuited to the timid. This was illustrated by the case of the would- be bank robber in Portland, Oregon, in 1969. Instead of stating his demands, the diffident man wrote on the piece of paper that he handed to the cashier: “This is a holdup and I’ve got a gun. Put the money in a paper bag.” The burglar fled.

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And David Rich of London encountered similar resistance when he tried to rob the local branch of his bank on March 15, 1978. Wearing three stocking masks and a scarf over his face, Rich announced that he had a gun and ordered the staff and the customers to lie down on the floor. But so complete was his disguise that Rich could hardly see; in place of a gun he produced his glasses case.

After several minutes of brandishing this weapon at the highly amused hostages, Rich realized that something ad gone wrong and he made for the door. He was arrested several minutes later, hiding behind a nearby car.

Unsuitably Dressed

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On November 4, 1933, a Parisian burglar attempted to rob the home of an antique dealer. Hoping, no doubt, to blend in with the background, he donned a 15th century suit of armor. Effective as this way have seemed, it proved restrictive for carrying out his work – not to mention his escape.

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The unlucky burglar had been in the house only a few minutes when the owner was awakened by the sound of clanking metal. He got out of bed, saw the suit of armor climbing the stairs, and promptly knocked the burglar off balance.

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The homeowner left the felon pinned under a heavy sideboard and telephoned the police. This was not the last of the downed burglar’s problem, however. The pressure of the sideboard dented his breastplate so much that the armor could not be removed for 24 hours; he had to be fed trough the visor.

Court in the Act

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One of the most ill-fated crimes of all time involved 75 convicts who were attempting to break out of Saltillo Prison in northern Mexico. Undetected, the tunnel led directly to a nearby courtroom. As each escape appeared, the astounded judge immediately ordered him back to jail.