Earning my Survivor Title Every Day

I am a survivor today, I have said that many times in this series and I say it again today. It is something I have to earn every day. Early in the series I admitted that I became the offender which has given me the unique ability to write these short articles from the prospective of both the victim and offender. For me being a survivor is more than overcoming the abuse I suffered as a child. Being a survivor for me is staying in control of my life every day. I have realized after the psycho sexual therapy there were many things I have to do every day to control my behavior.

Being an offender means that one I have offended in the past, not in the last 19 years, but it also means I have proven that I can do it again if I am not in control and do not watch myself and take proper care in my actions and behavior. One thing I must do is question when I do things. For most people going to the corner store for a pack of smokes is normal and there is nothing wrong with going but for me I must keep from going at times when it is more likely that children that are in the age ranges of my previous victims might be there. I must also not allow myself for any reason to be alone with children. I do not babysit for anyone and all this may seem like common since. That is why my daily actions must go further. I have to keep in mind why I offended. I was a victim first so the first thing I had to do was to build up the boundary that was destroyed as a child that sex between adults and children is wrong.

I must remind myself of that daily. I must also realize that part of my reason for offending was out of revenge to show that I was not going to be the one who was going to be hurt anymore that I was going to be the one in control. I have to everyday realize that I am not going to be in control of everything and that I am going to be hurt sometime and that there are more appropriate ways of dealing with being hurt then hurting someone else.  I also offended because I did not want to be rejected by someone my own age or my mental equal I was afraid of the rejection and I had to realize that everyone gets rejected and that it is not a reflection on me as much as it is the opinion of the person doing the rejecting.