If there is one thing I can tell you, one thing that might help it’s that this is not your fault. You are not to blame. You did not ask for it. There is nothing you could have done to change it. The question is what are you going to do now?
If there is one thing I can tell you, one thing that might help it’s that this is not your fault. You are not to blame. You did not ask for it. There is nothing you could have done to change it. The person responsible is the one who took your dignity, your confidence, your ability to trust. The man responsible is the one who on a whim decided to strip you of everything you had and leave you with nothing but an empty shell of what you once were. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better and I’m not going to try. I could tell you that time heals all pain, but in all honesty it doesn’t. It numbs things, but it doesn’t heal them. I could tell you that there will be justice and he will be put away, but in today’s society that would be a lie and I’m not willing to patronise you. If you decide to make a statement, if the police take you seriously, if it makes it to court it is still your word against his and it depends on the whim of a jury. And even if by some miracle he does get convicted then it will be for nowhere near long enough to make up for what he’s done to you.
The question is what are you going to do now? Because I know how tempting it is to curl up in a small ball and hide from the world because the shame, the fear and the anxiety is too much. I know how tempting it is to allow self-hatred and disgust at yourself take over. I know how easy it is to fall into the pit of not being able to find your own self-worth, being afraid to be female in case someone else hurts you. So you starve, or you cut, or you shave your head; anything to stop you appealing to the opposite gender, anything to keep you safe. Your confidence in yourself has been shattered, your self-esteem has hit the floor, your ability to feel safe and secure has vanished and you don’t know what to do about it. The only thing that’s pulling you through is a battle between your dignity and insanity as you desperately search each day for reasons not to die, but at the same time in the face of life you are completely lost. You don’t know how to cope with this new world that you have been thrown into; a world of fear, pain, memories and nightmares.