How Not to Drive Under the Influence

Morgan Tyson (name changed to protect the under-intelligent) was arrested July 9, 2009 by the Provo, Utah Police Department.

According to court documents, a police officer spotted the car driving with sparks flying where the tire ought to have been. Perhaps getting into the car drunk was wrongful step 1. Continuing driving after your tire was shredded off could be considered by many as wrongful step 2.

After pulling over, he failed all of his field sobriety tests. Officers took him to the station, where he refused his DUI tests. Perhaps that wasn’t such a bad idea, since he obviously didn’t study for any of these tests. Another bad step was falling asleep and drooling at the station.

After alerting the janitorial staff, officers got him medically cleared, and tried taking him to jail. For some reason, it now seemed like a good idea to head-butt officers. He missed.

I lost count on the bad steps, but the jail caught him trying to smuggle drugs in.

For those of you considering DUI, don’t get all lazy if you get a flat tire. Pull over and change it. And try to stay awake if you do.