How to Get Rid of or Prevent Manipulation
by Steps to take to get rid of or prevent being attracting manipulators.
If you already have someone in your life that is manipulating you or you feel like they are, start following these steps to change the situation. Start taking up space. When I started to be afraid of that guy instead of living in fear I called the police. I let people know that I was afraid of him, I told my apartment manager to keep an eye on me and informed them I was afraid. They called the police at the same time I did, so I was protected. Call them out. Instead of waiting for him to show his true colors to everyone so that I would be vindicated, I told everyone what I saw and why, right in front of him. I told them every behavior he had. When it came time for the court hearing on the restraining order, he didn’t even show up. He didn’t want to be there to hear me tell my story. They don’t like being called out. Don’t gossip. I didn’t gossip about anyone or spread any gossip I heard so when I stood up and told people what was happening they believed me. Don’t give in. He tried to call and tell me that he loved me and we were meant to be together and told me this was going to ruin his life. He said he gave up everything for me and I gave him nothing. I heard it all. I didn’t answer, I made him accountable for his actions and his actions proved me right. Don’t worry about them, worry about you. Again, if you have to consult your local authorities on ways to help you prevent or get rid of unwanted attention. Most towns have rape prevention classes and they are helpful for unwanted attention too. Manipulators are people who give you unwanted attention. Take it seriously, learn all the tools there are to learn and be aware. Hopefully you will find a way to get rid of or even prevent people like this from entering your life.
If you have any ideas or helpful tools that you would like to share please email me or put them in comments below. We need to all stick together and maybe then we can change lives.
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Post CommentAnother Stalking Survivor
On March 31, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Wow! I’m almost tempted you ask you what your stalker’s name was because he sounds so similar to the one I had when I was in my 20s! Totally ignored the restraining order–when the person is mentally ill enough to stalk, they aren’t thinking straight enough to care what a legal document says. Like you, I had to move, buy a non-descript car (and I SOOO loved my bright red sports car, dammit!) and change jobs. I had to be so, so careful, everywhere I went and make sure no one followed me home. I moved to a totally secure building where you had to have a key to even get into the hallway of my apartment in addition to the key on my apartment. I always varied my route and if I even suspected he might be following me, I wouldn’t go home until I felt safe to do so. When I started dating again, I was so paranoid that I would only meet in a public place, took the same caution of a different route home and wouldn’t even give out my phone number. I made the guy give me his and it was MY choice whether and when I called or not. This was all 15 years ago and I STILL have nightmares about this guy occasionally. Unless you’ve lived the nightmare, you can never possibly know what its like.
On behalf of all survivors, I request that if you know someone who has been stalked, don’t tell them to “just get over it” and “move on” no matter how long ago it may have happened. You can’t possibly comprehend what its like to be someone’s prey and just how deeply it can damage you psychologically.
realangel
On April 2, 2009 at 9:07 am
It is really hard to just “deal” with this stuff and get over it. It does make you paranoid about who you are meeting and where. I am going through a divorce. He is the one who left but he is the one causing problems now. You just never know who it will be or what to watch for. My soon-to-be didn’t seem like the type at all and now I’ve had to file another protection order and have his guns taken away. It can be scarry. They couldn’t find him to serve him so I told his attorney twice that I didn’t want any contact with him and gave him a copy of the protection order. I was still contacted by him, on email and he called the father of my twins to talk to him about me. Do they think that isn’t contact?