How to Tips on Putting a Stop to a Stalker
by Stalking is not your fault. Stalking is a crime…a crime you can do something about.
This is a challenging article to write because there are so many different situations and scenarios that there is no one perfect plan that will help every situation. It should take volumes to write about such a subject but in the interest of time I will touch on the finer points that will help.
Most stalking victims are woman and the stalker is usually an ex- husband, ex-boyfriend or admirer who just won’t take ‘NO’ for an answer. Men and children can also be stalked and stalking can happen to all racial and ethnic groups.
This article will deal with the most common kind of stalker which is an admirer or a former/current boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse.
The definition of “Stalking” varies from State to State. In many States, Stalking is defined as the “willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person”.
In my 28 years as a Police Officer I’ve handled many stalking cases and I’ve seen the emotional damage it causes and how it destroys lives. Stalking isn’t just about you being a victim but it can affect everyone and everything around you including your family, your job and your life.
Stalking can be as little as annoying notes or phone calls, internet stalking like reading of personal emails or accounts which all eventually fade away…but, it can also escalate into a full blown non stop obsession that leads to brutal murder of entire families and suicide.
There are many articles and studies about stalking which I encourage you to read and educate yourself with so you can learn and get the help you need or at least be armed with the knowledge of what to do if you’re ever faced with this situation.
Seven years ago I personally became a victim of a stalker and I can tell you from experience how destructive it can be. My stalker was a young woman 20 years younger then I was who I met at a community meeting who became attracted to me. Yes, I was flattered by the attention but to me it was nothing more than innocent friendly contact and I knew for myself it would not go any further then just that. What started out to be a meeting talking about problems in the neighborhood soon became a full blown year long nightmare of terror and destruction.
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Post Commentxcal
On September 12, 2009 at 8:36 am
nice article man!!! good explaination…:)
feel bad for you though dat u got stalked…
Susan
On October 14, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I have been stalked by a dangerous ex-husband for the past (10) years now and I am fed up with the local police not doing anything about it. They either treat me like I am crazy or they just blow me off. On 12/08/1999 my now ex-husband tried to hire someone to kill me and hired an undercover police officer instead. The guy received (10) months and (12) days in the county jail and was released. He should have received at least 45-50 years in prison, however the local DA’s Office allowed him to walk.
I am fed up with this whole mess and I am also fed up with the local police dept for allowing it all to continue. I have had a PRO since 1999 as well.
My husband, I am remarried has also been a victim of my dangerous ex-husband and he too is fed up with it all.
We bought a Medeco Deadbolt about 2-1/2 years ago, however it is also being tampered with, in otherwords the stalker knows how to pick locks.
This morning we woke up and went out to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and found that the coffee maker was filled with water and we also found when we dumped the grounds that there were rolling papers in where the coffee filter goes. Also our cats kitty toys have been stolen among other things. To be frank we are fed up. What do we have to do get murdered before the local police dept gets off their dead rear-ends and do anything??? We also found a cigar in our outside ashtray minus the tip that was on the end of the cigar and I have bagged the butt of the cigar too for future issues.
We have been drugged and I have been severely beaten in my sleep and still the local PD blows me off.
What the heck do I do, cause this goes beyond what I am really willing to continue dealing with and we are fed up with moving also.
Bridgett
On March 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm
I’ve been with my husband for 3 yrs. And on and off for one yr when we first met. I got preg and then after I had our daughter we decieded to talk things through for a weekend and see if we could get back together. Well we did we got back together and have been going solid for 3 yrs. While my husband’s exgirlfriend is stalking us. I would be running around getting things done shopping paying bills etc and she will know exatly where I’m at whose with me and what time and day. I never see her anywhere beside maybe 3 times out of 3 yrs. I have seen her following me. She has emailed me sent me text messages telling me my husband don’t love me he loves her and one day they will be together. She also caused me to argue with my husband because she was giving me info on where he works what time he goes in and what time he gets off and what time he goes and sees her. So by that point I was really uneasy. I was upset mad and confused. I kept wondering how could he do this why we are happy.. I didn’t know who to belive I didn’t know what to do. Because I felt caught inbetween. Cause you see they may have a baby together. She had got my husband to sign the birth cert. and paternity papers and when he left her and about 5 months later he got with me and she found out she had filed child support. She has emaild me saying even if my husband were to get a dna test done there’s nothing nobody can do can he signed the papers so no matter what he still has to pay. She has his family wrapped around her finger. She told them my recent child wasn’t my husband’s cus she seen me with another man. They believed her and caused us true hell. At that point I was about to leave I about had enough of everyone’s drama and crapp. My husband’s friends were giving her info about us my husband’s family had turnd against him and u have no idea what they have said about him and our children and me. She had got everyone against us and tryed w/ my friends but that didn’t work so she gave up. Her and my sister in law were plotting on beating me up and taking pics of it and post it on the internet. And how she was going to take her brother away from me. And his sister repeatldy puts things in this girls head that my husband wants her and that he wants in her life it’s just that it’s me. And if she talks to me than things will be fine. So then she texts me how she gets my number who knows but I think it’s from my sister in law. So here recently she texts and tells me how my husband is missing out on his daughter’s life and she wants to see her daddy. I feel so bad so I go and talk to my husband about it he refuses to see her he refuses to have anything to do w/ her. And again I get put in the middle. Personlly I think the little girl doesn’t look like my husband or the kids. But I don’t know. She imagines my husband has a butt chin and that’s where her daughter gets it from but he doesn’t have a butt chin. I have no idea what to do. And everytime we don’t do something her way our lives go up in flames. She pushes the child support and my husband pays 500 dollars a month making 7.25 an hr. and our rent is 502 a month. He picked up a second job and it just went higher. I feel as if he is getting mistreated. If we don’t text her in a couple days she sends pictures of the little girl. And if we still don’t reply then she makes a big scene of everything. We just now talked to a lawyer for a dna test to be done. But getting the money is the hard part. I just now started college and taking care of our 2 children I have no money. It’s hard enough to pay for our bills and we struggle just to get by. And she thinks it’s funny. She tells my husband’s family and braggs to friends how her daughter is the oldest child of my husband’s kids but she never mentions her other child. We have talked about the kids in the past and she goes on and on about her daughter and how she is so much like my husband and the things she says is very odd. As in for example “I’ve got the mexican attuidude” but she is white. And that text came out of the middle of nowhere. She brings up how well she knows my husband and how he was when he was in middle school. But my husband don’t recall ever going to middle school with her. There is so much more and I have no idea I’ve thought about leaving but I love my husband so much and he beggs me not to leave because of her. It’s so hard to go through with this. And I have no clue what to do. She always knows everything about us what we do everything.. Please help…
Bridgett
On March 13, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I\’ve been with my husband for 3 yrs. And on and off for one yr when we first met. I got preg and then after I had our daughter we decieded to talk things through for a weekend and see if we could get back together. Well we did we got back together and have been going solid for 3 yrs. While my husband\’s exgirlfriend is stalking us. I would be running around getting things done shopping paying bills etc and she will know exatly where I\’m at whose with me and what time and day. I never see her anywhere beside maybe 3 times out of 3 yrs. I have seen her following me. She has emailed me sent me text messages telling me my husband don\’t love me he loves her and one day they will be together. She also caused me to argue with my husband because she was giving me info on where he works what time he goes in and what time he gets off and what time he goes and sees her. So by that point I was really uneasy. I was upset mad and confused. I kept wondering how could he do this why we are happy.. I didn\’t know who to belive I didn\’t know what to do. Because I felt caught inbetween. Cause you see they may have a baby together. She had got my husband to sign the birth cert. and paternity papers and when he left her and about 5 months later he got with me and she found out she had filed child support. She has emaild me saying even if my husband were to get a dna test done there\’s nothing nobody can do can he signed the papers so no matter what he still has to pay. She has his family wrapped around her finger. She told them my recent child wasn\’t my husband\’s cus she seen me with another man. They believed her and caused us true hell. At that point I was about to leave I about had enough of everyone\’s drama and crapp. My husband\’s friends were giving her info about us my husband\’s family had turnd against him and u have no idea what they have said about him and our children and me. She had got everyone against us and tryed w/ my friends but that didn\’t work so she gave up. Her and my sister in law were plotting on beating me up and taking pics of it and post it on the internet. And how she was going to take her brother away from me. And his sister repeatldy puts things in this girls head that my husband wants her and that he wants in her life it\’s just that it\’s me. And if she talks to me than things will be fine. So then she texts me how she gets my number who knows but I think it\’s from my sister in law. So here recently she texts and tells me how my husband is missing out on his daughter\’s life and she wants to see her daddy. I feel so bad so I go and talk to my husband about it he refuses to see her he refuses to have anything to do w/ her. And again I get put in the middle. Personlly I think the little girl doesn\’t look like my husband or the kids. But I don\’t know. She imagines my husband has a butt chin and that\’s where her daughter gets it from but he doesn\’t have a butt chin. I have no idea what to do. And everytime we don\’t do something her way our lives go up in flames. She pushes the child support and my husband pays 500 dollars a month making 7.25 an hr. and our rent is 502 a month. He picked up a second job and it just went higher. I feel as if he is getting mistreated. If we don\’t text her in a couple days she sends pictures of the little girl. And if we still don\’t reply then she makes a big scene of everything. We just now talked to a lawyer for a dna test to be done. But getting the money is the hard part. I just now started college and taking care of our 2 children I have no money. It\’s hard enough to pay for our bills and we struggle just to get by. And she thinks it\’s funny. She tells my husband\’s family and braggs to friends how her daughter is the oldest child of my husband\’s kids but she never mentions her other child. We have talked about the kids in the past and she goes on and on about her daughter and how she is so much like my husband and the things she says is very odd. As in for example \”I\’ve got the mexican attuidude\” but she is white. And that text came out of the middle of nowhere. She brings up how well she knows my husband and how he was when he was in middle school. But my husband don\’t recall ever going to middle school with her. There is so much more and I have no idea I\’ve thought about leaving but I love my husband so much and he beggs me not to leave because of her. It\’s so hard to go through with this. And I have no clue what to do. She always knows everything about us what we do everything.. Please help…
Bridgett
On March 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm
I\\\\\\\’ve been with my husband for 3 yrs. And on and off for one yr when we first met. I got preg and then after I had our daughter we decieded to talk things through for a weekend and see if we could get back together. Well we did we got back together and have been going solid for 3 yrs. While my husband\\\\\\\’s exgirlfriend is stalking us. I would be running around getting things done shopping paying bills etc and she will know exatly where I\\\\\\\’m at whose with me and what time and day. I never see her anywhere beside maybe 3 times out of 3 yrs. I have seen her following me. She has emailed me sent me text messages telling me my husband don\’t love me he loves her and one day they will be together. She also caused me to argue with my husband because she was giving me info on where he works what time he goes in and what time he gets off and what time he goes and sees her. So by that point I was really uneasy. I was upset mad and confused. I kept wondering how could he do this why we are happy.. I didn\\\\\\\’t know who to belive I didn\\\\\\\’t know what to do. Because I felt caught inbetween. Cause you see they may have a baby together. She had got my husband to sign the birth cert. and paternity papers and when he left her and about 5 months later he got with me and she found out she had filed child support. She has emaild me saying even if my husband were to get a dna test done there\\\\\\\’s nothing nobody can do can he signed the papers so no matter what he still has to pay. She has his family wrapped around her finger. She told them my recent child wasn\\\\\\\’t my husband\\\\\\\’s cus she seen me with another man. They believed her and caused us true hell. At that point I was about to leave I about had enough of everyone\\\\\\\’s drama and crapp. My husband\\\\\\\’s friends were giving her info about us my husband\\\\\\\’s family had turnd against him and u have no idea what they have said about him and our children and me. She had got everyone against us and tryed w/ my friends but that didn\\\\\\\’t work so she gave up. Her and my sister in law were plotting on beating me up and taking pics of it and post it on the internet. And how she was going to take her brother away from me. And his sister repeatldy puts things in this girls head that my husband wants her and that he wants in her life it\\\\\\\’s just that it\\\\\\\’s me. And if she talks to me than things will be fine. So then she texts me how she gets my number who knows but I think it\\\\\\\’s from my sister in law. So here recently she texts and tells me how my husband is missing out on his daughter\\\\\\\’s life and she wants to see her daddy. I feel so bad so I go and talk to my husband about it he refuses to see her he refuses to have anything to do w/ her. And again I get put in the middle. Personlly I think the little girl doesn\\\\\\\’t look like my husband or the kids. But I don\\\\\\\’t know. She imagines my husband has a butt chin and that\\\\\\\’s where her daughter gets it from but he doesn\\\\\\\’t have a butt chin. I have no idea what to do. And everytime we don\\\\\\\’t do something her way our lives go up in flames. She pushes the child support and my husband pays 500 dollars a month making 7.25 an hr. and our rent is 502 a month. He picked up a second job and it just went higher. I feel as if he is getting mistreated. If we don\\\\\\\’t text her in a couple days she sends pictures of the little girl. And if we still don\\\\\\\’t reply then she makes a big scene of everything. We just now talked to a lawyer for a dna test to be done. But getting the money is the hard part. I just now started college and taking care of our 2 children I have no money. It\\\\\\\’s hard enough to pay for our bills and we struggle just to get by. And she thinks it\\\\\\\’s funny. She tells my husband\\\\\\\’s family and braggs to friends how her daughter is the oldest child of my husband\\\\\\\’s kids but she never mentions her other child. We have talked about the kids in the past and she goes on and on about her daughter and how she is so much like my husband and the things she says is very odd. As in for example \\\\\\\”I\\\\\\\’ve got the mexican attuidude\\\\\\\” but she is white. And that text came out of the middle of nowhere. She brings up how well she knows my husband and how he was when he was in middle school. But my husband don\\\\\\\’t recall ever going to middle school with her. There is so much more and I have no idea I\\\\\\\’ve thought about leaving but I love my husband so much and he beggs me not to leave because of her. It\\\\\\\’s so hard to go through with this. And I have no clue what to do. She always knows everything about us what we do everything.. Please help…
ShaFar
On September 30, 2010 at 12:03 am
That was a really good article. You can really catch a readers eye! It is good that you care about helping people. I was once like you, except I was an EMT. I liked medical emergencies. I see your comments are looking up to you. You’re a good writer. I know that I have found you on some of the same sites I write for, but don’t consider me as a stalker, hahaha!
Erin Miller
On June 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I’m reading through all of this. It hits home for me. I will be adding you as a friend and I hope you have more articles on the law because I would like to read all of them. Let me continue to read this as well.