Please Remove the Fence, It is Hindering to Thieves

A gardener who fenced off his allotment with barbed wire after being targeted several times by thieves has been ordered by a district council to take it away in case a thief hurt himself on it.

What sounds like a fairytale for thieves and a nightmare for everyone else really happened, it is hard to believe. After three attacks in four months by thieves stealing tools for worth 300 from the shed and ransacking vegetable patches, the victim finally erected a fence. The council told him to remove it as a health hazard. The same council has urged allotment holders not lock their sheds either in case burglars damaged them breaking in.

Doesn’t that make a lot of sense? In the next step, we will be asked to remove all locks from our doors, as they hinder the burglars from getting in and one of them might get hurt breaking the door. Also, all glass windows have to be done in safe glass; otherwise a person smashing it could get hurt in the process.

Shop holders are kindly requested to leave all their goods and their cash out in the street to prevent damages to the building. If your house is not accessible by wheelchair, install the necessary ramp so as to allow invalid burglars to access your premises; this is under the equal opportunities rule a legal must.

Please refrain from calling the police in any case. They do not intend to do anything at all anyhow; they are not being paid to do anything, only to spend their time in lifelong security at the taxpayers’ expense. If you happen unto a thief in your house, please go and drink a tea somewhere until he has emptied the house. Seeing you might inflict psychological damage on him.

But in earnest, what are these air brained excuses for politicians in the council thinking of? It simply cannot be that we are asked to leave our goods and our properties at the mercy of hooligans, thanks to the benighted senility of councillors. This is equal and on par with handing over the guns in Afghanistan to the Taliban and being surprised that we lose. It is so rampantly idiotic that these councillors obviously need counselling. I presume that the region there has a mental hospital for their perpetual abode, as people like this just have to be taken out of the lives of the mentally sane.