Preventing Child Abuse

Children are the future of our world.  They will be the doctors, lawyers, politicians, teachers, care-takers in our future.  In recent years, many books, treatises and laws have been passed to help keep children safe.  Yet one in four children will be abused in some way before they reach adulthood.

It is easy to say that laws should be passed, criminals should be executed, etc., but a real solution may be more difficult to achieve.

First of all, children learn to be abusers by being abused.   It is logical, therefore, to look into the past of each abuser to attempt to ascertain what caused them to behave in the way that they do.  Not all abused children become abusers in turn, so that also is a place to look for solutions.

Second, knowing what adult in your child’s life may be a hazard is a difficult judgement call.  Except for individuals who have been reported to be abusive, most adults do NOT come with a warning label.  While some may be obviously antisocial, others seem to be ordinary individuals.  Some are truly confused, unhappy individuals.

Almost every family has a “Wicked Uncle Ernie” or “Weird Aunt Suzy”.  Some of them will have stepped over the line often enough that family and community members are sufficiently aware to prevent unfortunate incidents.  Others are more subtle–some may never be caught. 

I’m not sure there will ever be a fool proof way to prevent these unhappy individuals from existing or to keep every child safe.  But here are a few things that can help:

1. Always know where your children are and who they are with.
2. Be accessible.  Listen to what your children have to say about the adults around them.  You may not enjoy what you hear, but it is better to hear that message soon rather than late.
3. Never force a child to hug or kiss anyone. 
4. Don’t allow children to visit public places unaccompanied.  This includes young teens, who may be especially vulnerable to coercion.  (And who will chafe at your restrictions.  Loudly. And often.)
5. Encourage group activities rather than situations where a child might be alone with one other person.
6. Be proactive about transportation; don’t begrudge the extra gas mileage to deliver and pick up your child.
7. Be serious about instructing your child about good and bad touching.
8. Whenever possible, use non-violent methods of correcting child behavior.  Model the behavior you expect.
9. Be serious about instructing your child about personal safety in parking lots, department stores, traveling on streets.  Again, model the behavior you expect.
10. Never assume that anyone is above reproach.

This is a sad and sorry list in many ways.  Sad that is should exist, sorry because it surely is not fool-proof. 

Executing abusers might be one solution to the problem.  It does prevent repetition.  Executing people…that has it’s own set of problems.  It is so hard to give back life if a mistake is made.  Even accusing a person should be approached with extreme caution.  An accusation of that sort has extreme and very permanent consequences for the accused.  Furthermore, the process of proving such allegations is difficult and nearly as hard on the victim as on the perpetrator.

I wish I could say that there is a cure for these persons.  But, to date, therapy has seemed to have very little affect upon their behavior.  It is also true that in spite of the best vigilance parents, family members, teachers and others may exercise, every year children are endangered.  Far too frequently, the danger comes from within their own family.  Perhaps the deepest part of the tragedy is that the perpetrators are frequently well loved by their family and by their community.   When this is true, the shock, betrayal and emotional pain of all involved becomes much deeper.

No easy answers.  No quick fix.  Just hope, prayer, and eternal vigilance.