Shock and Denial are First Reactions to Disclosure of Child Sexual Abuse
by No one wants to believe that someone they know and love is sexually abusing a child, but apparently wonderful people do. This articles shows how hard it is to keep an open mind, but how important open minds are.
Family members can have a hard time believing that someone they know, love, and trust can sexually abuse. When ten year-old Ronnie learned from his mother that the uncle he idolized had sexually abused his own daughter, Ronnie ran into his bedroom, slammed the door, and yelled, “You’re lying to me.”
Many family members refuse to believe child victims, blame them, and do whatever it takes to protect perpetrators.
Most come around eventually, but the typical initial reaction is disbelief. Annie, eleven, abused by her father for years, said
I don’t blame people for not believing me. I could hardly believe it myself. My father is such a nice guy.
When a court social worker told Loretta that her husband had sexually abused her daughter for four years, Loretta described her reaction.
I just didn’t believe it. She [the social worker] says, “Is there anything I can do for you?” I says, “I didn’t even want to be sitting in this room. I just want to get out of here. I just want to get away from it. I don’t want to believe it.
Eventually, Loretta came to believe it happened. Her husband admitted the abuse immediately, spent a year in the workhouse, had work release, and received 20 years probation. With a great deal of therapy and pychoeducation, the family pulled itself back together. They had a supportive family system that pulled along with them.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AFFECTS the entire family, and, the entire family requires empathy and education. Once the shock wears off, child and family recovery can take years.
Children Do Not Tell
CHILDREN MANY TIMES DO NOT TELL anyone about their abusive experiences… Questions such as “Why didn’t you tell?” “What did you do to provoke the abuse?” “How could you let it go on for so long?” are automatic for many people. Children have reason to fear that they will not be believed, or worse, blamed for their own abuse.
Many child survivors blame themselves for the abuse, even when they recognize that the perpetrators forced them. Lisa’s grandfather sexually abused her on his boat when the two of them went fishing. Lisa, nine, said, “I felt like jumping off the boat and swimming to shore, but I can’t swim.” Despite Lisa’s recognition of being forced, she said, “It was my fault. I didn’t tell him not to do it.”
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