The Chain of Abuse

First of all I like to state that abusive behaviour is most common in close relationship, like in families of in daily encounters, like school pupils.

What is abuse?

Well, abusers dominate and rule the life of others. They just like a scapegoat and and break a person. This can occur in many forms and in many ways.

What makes a victim?

Same reason as what makes an abuser: low self esteem, being abused yourself. Most abusers have been victims as well.

Since abusers search for the weak spot in a victim, they will usually find it, since they have the weak spot themselves. Only: they deny it.

Is there an excuse?

No, we should not feel sorry for abusers, but for victims who do not cross the line. Their lives can be devastated by how they get treated by people they really love and feel close to, like parents, partners and class mates.

Finding a scapegoat or make one: that is what an abuser wants. He or she wants to dominate the life of that other person of break that other person’s moral so they can feel better of confident themselves.

That is why abusers look for easy victims, or people they can manipulate. It does not matter what kind of abuser you encounter, wetter the abuse is physical, sexual or mental, they just want to be in charge.

Abuse is always mental. The victim suffers deep wounds and in some cases might become so wrathful from feeling helpless against it’s abuser, that it at it’s own term might find a weakling to get even with and becomes an abuser him or herself.

This is the reason for my title: during my lifetime I have been abused in several ways, mostly in a partner relationship and found out that no matter how they abuse you, first I was abused sexually and later by my next partner physically and emotionally by both, I keep having the feeling I had to bleed for the mistakes of others.

What many victims of abuse have, is shame. I did not dare to talk about what had happened to me and strangely enough kept crawling back to my abusive partners, because they just had complete control over my life.

First step: they set me up against my friends. They were the good guys and made me believe all the rest was crap.

Now being bullied at school as a kid during my entire school career kind of socially disabled me. I was the kid that never had friends and never got invited to parties, but always got beaten, snared at and was given names and condemned to be on my own. Other kids never played with me and I have no brothers or sisters, I was just the fat kid with the braces, orthopedic shoes and the speech disorder. I was not good at sports and left on the bench while picking teams and got cursed by whoever I ended up with.