What Child Sexual Abuse Means to Child Survivors and Perpetrators

In the long run, survivors benefit when others hold perpetrators responsible and accountable for their behaviors.

The Best Case Scenario

When children have been sexually abused, the best case scenario means that the children are surrounded by people who love them and who believe them when they say someone abused them sexually and do not blame them. The best case also includes parents who provide love, safety, accurate information, predictable routine, and access to therapy and to professionals who can help them deal with their power feelings of guilt, shame, and powerlessness. Children’s recovery depends upon empathy, understanding, predictability and a sense of safety, and accurate information.

Children’s recovery is given a big boost when perpetrators take responsibility for the abuse, accept the consequences for their actions, seek the help they require to stop themselves from sexually abusing again. Apologies in person or by letter to the children and other persons they have armed contribute to recovery. This should only be done when children are ready and are in safe situations that will protect them from any hint that the perpetrators blame the children.

When perpetrators have the courage to do this, child survivors are relieved from the guilt, shame, and stigma that are part of being sexually abused. The adults in their lives have evidence in the words and actions of perpetrators that perpetrators alone are responsible, not the children, and that the perpetrators’ behaviors hurt the children.

Over time, recovery means that the children understand that someone, often someone they loved and trusted, hurt them psychologically and sexually. Recovery also means that survivors have capacities to cope with, adapt to, and overcome the effects of the abuse. They know they are good persons who are worthy of the respect of others and self-respect. They have confidence in themselves and have the love and support of family and friends.

They do not forget that they survived sexual abuse, but they have integrated the effects of the abuse into their understanding of themselves. They live full and rich lives based on their capacities to cope with, adapt to, and overcomes the effects of the abuse.

Children can and do recover whether or not perpetrators take responsibility for their own actions if they have the support, love, and understanding of family members and other persons who are close to them.

Some survivors are well into adulthood before they find the empathy and understanding that enables them to tell others about being sexual abused. This brings them relief and emotional freedom. Some live their lifetimes hurt by the effects of child sexual abuse.

You can read more about child sexual abuse in Shame, Blame, and Child Sexual Abuse, a book available on Amazon Kindle and at stores.lulu.com/jgilgun. A free download of a book that is not finished and has typos in it is also available at stores.lulu.com/jgilgun. It’s called Child Sexual Abuse: Survivors, Mothers, and Perpetrators Tell Their Stories.