When Someone You Love is a Victim of Violence

Yesterday my son who is almost 15 was mugged on his way home from school. He always walks with a friend to keep him safe but yesterday he was a few minutes late leaving school and he couldn’t find his friend so he set out on his own, thinking that he would catch up with his friend. He was set upon by 3 lads aged 18 or 19, they wanted his phone ,but he only has a very basic phone so they kicked and punched him almost twenty times around his head and face.

My son phoned me to tell me to fetch him but he was sobbing so much that I struggled to understand him. His older sister and I jumped into the car and rushed off to find him but it proved difficult as it was getting dark and he was so scared that he decided to hide. I was driving along with tears rolling down my face because I felt guilty for not protecting him, angry that people would do that to him and powerless because I couldn’t change what had happened.

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When we found him his face was covered in blood and he was in such a state that I drove straight to our doctors surgery for the doctor to check him over. He had large cuts inside his mouth, a split lip, a possible broken nose that was already badly swollen, a swelling under his jaw on one side and a huge swollen cheek on the other side. He was so traumatised that the doctor felt it would be better to get him home rather than going to the Accident and Emergency department because even if the nose is broken or there or there are other fractures they will not do anything until the swelling has gone down. All he wanted to do was to go home where he could feel safe and shut everyone out, but unfortunately he had to cope with giving a statement to the police and having the scene of crime people photograph his injuries.

I wanted to protect him but I felt so angry that I didn’t know if I would burst into tears or lash out at someone. Common reactions to violent crime include

shock
disbelief
nervousness
uncontrolled emotion e.g. tears, shaking, detachment
a feeling of violation
anger
frustration
stress
fear
suspicion
sleeplessness
guilt
A need to smoke, eat, drink etc (possibly to calm the nerves)

It is best to give the person time to talk and to face up to their feelings in their own time. This may take weeks, months or even years, but the person will need to trust you to support them without taking over their right to choose what is right for them. It will take time for you to face your feelings too, but try not to dwell on the negative because you need to help the victim to regain confidence. I still feel very angry about what has happened to my son, but he is still alive, he hasn’t been stabbed, in a few weeks his injuries will heal and in time hopefully he will recover emotionally. I need to help him to understand that there is a lot of good in our world too.