10 Things Not to Do Before You Die

(In no particular order)

1. No matter how bored you are, never play against yourself in a game of Russian roulette.

2. Don’t pick a fight with someone who’s got a tattoo that read “They never found the bodies”

3. If you’re feeling brave, go try and put the shower on with your clothes on without getting wet. Don’t try and juggle a can of gas and a lit match.

4. Don’t ever play your stereo so loud you can’t actually hear the serial killer getting in the back seat of your car.

5. Try not to tell your kids what you really think of them when your on your death bed, unless you’re really sure you’re going to die. There’s nothing more awkward than sitting around the next christmas avoiding eye contact, while the rest of you family are planning what to do with your ashes.

6. When a girl kisses you and declares her undying love for you; don’t let the next words out of your mouth be “did you used to be a man?”

7. Don’t go swimming with dolphins and then go dressed as a shark.

8. When going to visit a friend in prison, don’t dress head to toe in women clothes. (unless you are a women, even then its dubious.)

9. If a mob boss says “drinks all ‘round.” Don’t order the most expensive bottle of Champaign they have. (You may not live to regret it)

10. Girls, should you ever meet a psychopathic male with a frying pan full of bacon still warm on his head, that wants to become your lover. Run, move country, change your name, have plastic surgery done to look like Michael Jackson, anything. Don’t invite him ‘round to meet your great grand mother who just so happens to be Jewish.

Maybe more soon.