The one rule you must always remember when dealing with grief is that there is NO RULE!!

You also notice I didn’t say get over.. you can deal with grief or cope with grief.. but grief is something you never get over. It is now a part of who you are.

Grief is something we either have all experienced at one time in our lives or unfortunately… will someday experience in the future. While going through this process you will also experience many different feelings from shock, denial, anger, loneliness, sadness, and for some there may even be just a tad amount of guilt.

I think one of the cruelest comments one could make to someone dealing with this is.. “It’s been weeks.. shouldn’t you be over this by now?” When you lose someone you love from that moment on your life will never be the same so you not only grieve for that person but you also grieve for the life you once knew and has now changed forever. As time goes by and you try to put some normalcy into your life again one of the most common complaints is forgetfulness. You will walk into a room and forget why you are there, be driving and for a brief moment forget where you are going. This is because your mind will take advantage of every second you are not in thought and bring you back to the time when your loved one was still here and will keep playing those memories until something snaps you back. Psychologically.. we are not capable of living in the past and present at the same time so we typically have a small melt-down. This is common although quite frustrating to say the least. This to will subside in time. We never actually get over grief but we do learn to live with it and return to some kind of normalcy and as time goes by we will even be able to laugh again and be able to talk about the one we lost without breaking down into tears. We will be able to share stories and share their lives with others and eventually pick up our lives again and go on. It was a little over a year before I could talk about my son’s passing without grabbing for the tissues. It’s okay though and now I can not only talk about him but even laugh about some of the things he did to make us laugh while he was here. He is still a part of our lives… and although I will miss him every day of my life.. I was able to allow my grief to finally find a comfortable place in my heart to rest. Please… If you do not feel you can do it on your own or feel you are getting worse as time goes on… PLEASE seek medical advise and don’t be ashamed. They will be able to help you through this and there are loved ones still here that need you to get better.

Just a quick note on helping one going through this. Please don’t say: “They’re in a better place” or “Time will heal all things.” Just hold them and let them know how sorry you are for their loss and that you will be there for them… and then just quietly be by their side. Sometimes it’s not saying anything at all that says the most.