Children’s Perception of Death and Dying as They Pass Through The Milestones of Development

Development stages are an important aid in helping children  deal with death because they offer  guidelines on how they are likely to be thinking and how they are likely to react to their own distress and the distress of others.

 0-3 years stage

Children of 0-3 years sense when their family routine is interrupted and when those around them are upset. They react emotionally when those significant persons to their lives like  mother figures are absent and these reactions include changes in the way they sleep, eat and show their moods. Apart from these reactions, they still appear grossly oblivious to the concept of death and dying.

 3-5 years stage

 From 3-5 years, children demonstrate misunderstanding of verbal messages and may take words literally-for example when they hear such words as “we have lost grandma” they think their dead grandmother could be lost in the jungle. They also have no concept of the future and the life cycle so they have no or very little understanding of death. They also sometimes believe that dead people are cold and angry in the grave, while others begin to see the dead as angels and spirits and relapse into frightening dreams.

 6-9 years stage

From 6-9 children view death as accidental, some-thing that comes and takes away people-they  further believe that their behavior of naughtiness, bad thoughts cause catastrophic events such as death and divorce. However, at this stage of development, children have a more realistic concept of time and the life cycle and can understand the finality of death-they even try to give death meaning such as “death is the devil or ghost”. Their reaction include distress, confusion and guilt because of wishful thinking such as “I did not help Grandpa sweep the compound that morning and that is why he died”. They may begin to be compulsively good to their ailing parents just to avoid guilt.

 9-12 year old

At 9-12, children’s understanding of death is irreversible and it is at this stage that they gradually begin to develop fear for their own immortality. They are able to project into the future sometimes with a feeling of helplessness against fate. Their reaction to death is normally directed at various people including themselves and even those who have died. They choose not to talk about loved dead ones because they believe not speaking make the grief go away.