Coping with Death

The fire whistle went off and she looked up at the clock to note the time. She tried to detail in her mind where the boys should be at this time. She breathes easier when the boys call and she realizes that the boys have reached their destination. A few moments later, the phone rings again and the news is tragic. On the way home from school, three young men, with seemingly their whole life ahead of them, were killed in a horrific automobile accident. All of the boys that were involved in the accident were friends of the family. One of the boys killed has a younger brother who is one of my son’s best friends.

Our boys were forced to grow up a little more today to deal with the harsh reality of life. In the naivety of a child, they found it extremely hard to understand why something like this would happen to someone so young. Young people are not meant to die. My boys understand death, they have been subjected to people they love dying. They have also dealt with losing an older friend in an accident. The hardest part to make them understand is that no one person is immune and no one is promised tomorrow.

How much to tell the child is really dependent on the child and his or her psychological makeup. I am a firm believer in answering any and all questions, even if it may hurt them a little at the time. I want them to know as many details as possible. I think that they should be encouraged to talk about the situation. I believe that they should show grief, let them know its all right to cry and show emotion.  I feel that they should learn to show compassion. I think that it is important to be there for their friends, but to also try to maintain the relationship as before the accident occurred. Be there for them if need be; a shoulder to lean on, a reassuring voice, or the person in which they can talk and confide. I was always told that a friend when in need is a friend indeed. Throughout their lives, they will have many acquaintances, a few friends, and a handful of true friends that will follow you throughout your life.

Death is the most difficult of life’s lesson to learn at any age. Emotions and feelings swell together, and often words can’t express the emotions that are being felt. Sometimes a look or a simple touch can convey feelings much more accurately. More times than most, a warm embrace or an arm around the shoulder lets your true feelings to be felt. Even in death we must celebrate life. In doing so we honor the deceased with the memories and life’s lessons learned. I hate the fact that anyone, much less my children must deal with death. By doing so much them a stronger person, but from a child’s perspective, they have taken a giant step from child to adolescence.