Coping with Grief and Loss

Grief can be a multi-faceted response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Coping with grief and loss is not a choice and is something we fail to recognize as being a natural part of life. When faced with grief and loss, we suddenly become unfamiliar with the world. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt.  Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are considered to be normal reactions, as your life has just changed significantly.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. “Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage – acceptance.” Recognizing the stages of grief can also aid in recovery.

Denial and Isolation. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

Anger. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she’s dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

Bargaining. Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, “If I do this, will you take away the loss?”

Depression. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

Acceptance. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Grieving is a personal experience. Depending on who you are and the nature of your loss, your process of grieving will be different from another person’s experience. There is no “normal and expected” period of time for grieving. Some people adjust to a new life within several weeks or months. Others may take years or more, particularly when their daily life has been radically changed or their loss was traumatic and unexpected.  Although it can be quite painful at times, the grief process should not be rushed. It is important to be patient with yourself as you experience your unique reactions to the loss. With time and support, things generally do get better. However, it is normal for significant dates, holidays, or other reminders to trigger feelings related to the loss. Taking care of yourself, seeking support, and acknowledging your feelings during these times are ways that can help you cope.

Resources

Center for Loss and Life Transition
3735 Broken Bow Road
Fort Collins, CO 80526
(970) 226-6050

Foundation for Hospice and Home Care
513 C Street, NEake
Stanton Park
Washington, DC 20002-5809
(202) 547-6586

National Hospice Organization
1901 N. Moore St., Suite 901
Arlington, VA 22209
(800) 658-8898

National Research and Information Center
(Death, Grief and Funerals)
2250 East Devon Ave., Suite 250
Des Plaines, IL 60018
(800) 662-7666