Dealing with Death and Coping with Bereavement

Nobody wants to talk about death, it’s plain and simple. It’s just so morbid and usually it is one of the most hated or avoided topics at all times. Besides, who would enjoy such an unsavory subject anyway? In the first place why on Earth would anybody talk about something that is downright horrendous and creepy? Most of us share the same attitude towards it but perhaps it is high time now that we give it a serious attention for our own sake. You see, we all view death as a cruel enemy constantly stretching its venomous hands across time and humanity. Snatching loved ones from people mercilessly at any given time and at any particular circumstance; talking them in a tick of time, never to be seen again.

It is there where fear and pain reside. Unfortunately, this attitude leaves us more unprepared and caught off guard whenever death strikes. Because of this, we suffer pain and devastation all the more. We are left with no idea at all on how to deal with it because we do not fully know its nature. This is the reason why, we must learn to face it. One celebrated feast in the Catholic practice is the “All Souls Day and the All Saints Day”. In the states, this is more famous as the Halloween season. Perhaps every time this season comes, we are reminded of the sad moments of separation we suffered when we lost our loved ones. Maybe we are thinking that death is such a monster, indifferent to our prayers, untouched by our pleas and unmoved by our tears. Yet sad to say, it’s true.

It is something that we cannot avoid or escape from. It is as real as our lives. Thus the best way to respond to it is to accept that it exists and face it squarely. As Jean Paul Sartre once said, “we must internalize death”. That means we must accept that it is a part of our temporary existence. Through this we will be able to live and enjoy our lives without fear. If not, we will die everyday as we live, afraid of extinction which will surely come sooner or later anyway.

There are five stages of death according to G. O. Martinborough. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first is characterized by the “Not me” belief, the refusal to believe. Second manifests the “Why me?” attitude. The person becomes angry with himself, with others and with God. But when anger does not change the situation, the third comes in, the “bartering”. The person will make promises of renewal if he will only be given another lease in life. Soon it will be followed by the fourth in which the person will experience extreme sadness, until the fifth sinks in. Resignation and submission will be ushered and peace will come to the dying person.