Farewell Concetta Amelia

Have you ever spent the last few moments with one who is ready to leave, to pass, to die? I have spent time with others who have left before me. I was with my ex-mother in law, Martha, during her last days before lung cancer took her away. Some folks have regrets during their last days. Some folks are ready to leave and welcome going back to our Creator. Some folks are absolutely terrified of what awaits them. And others simply push open the gates and storm the after-life.

During my time with Martha, she was one who had regrets. I don’t think she could have left without first trying to correct some of the mistakes she had made. I was one of them. She regretted that she had forced me to have an abortion some years earlier. She knew that since then, I had struggled to have a baby, but was unable. She knew that the doctor who she helped do the procedure with me, was also now being charged with dozens of crimes because he did not sterilize his equipment properly. So many women were now unable to conceive and had had many problems with lingering infections.

I was then married to her son, and I suppose she wanted to have a grandchild. She could have had two. For I was carrying twins at that time. She was very upset and asked to speak with me alone. Everyone else left us to ourselves. I wasn’t sure what she could possibly talk to me about, for I had left those times far behind me and had continued on. I never blamed her dear readers. I blamed myself. I was not strong or smart enough to take the responsibility of having my babies. I was very influenced by her anger at that time, and afraid of loosing my love, James. I was only eighteen years old. If we could all go back in time, I’m sure there would be many things we would certainly change.

Nonetheless, she was convinced that I still carried much hatred for her because of what she did. When at the last moment, I tried to climb off that operating table, and she grabbed me and forced me to stay. She told me she had carried such guilt for that action for years. I truly felt bad for her and wish I had known sooner. That was never my intention. She wanted my forgiveness before she died. She began to weep, and held my hand. She was so sorry and begged me to please allow her forgiveness that she may leave this world with a lighter heart.