Fearing Death

What happens to us in death? Do we ascend to the heavens and begin our journey to righteousness, or do we simply become one with the earth and fertilize the soil. There is no way to honestly know the answer to this question, which happens to be one of the most frequent questions asked. But why do people believe so strongly in heaven and hell, damnation and salvation. What if neither are true and death sends us somewhere else?

For as long as I could remember I have had only one fear about death and that is what happens afterwards. I am not concerned with heaven or hell, or even just going into an eternal sleep and becoming one with the earth. But what if it sends us into a life time of agony? Forcing us to relive our deaths in a constant replay of the incident? What if we just sit there like we are alive, but unable to move while we are buried? I have expressed my fears to others and am often met with the same answer. That it is all in faith that they believe that and the faith keeps them believing they will go somewhere righteous when they die. But I do not take solace in that answer; it holds no weight with me.

I have tried organized religion, and I just can not force myself to believe their stories. I listen intently, and wonder how these hypocrites can tell me to be a good person as they themselves are not. I wonder to myself why these people act friendly in church yet are unfriendly outside when God is always watching. It makes me see through their rouge and I just cannot follow their beliefs.

I do believe in God though, or at least some higher power. I am not sure what higher power, or to what extent his/her vision goes to, but I believe I am a good person, and sitting in a church listening to other people ramble on does not help me. My fears are still there. I still search for the answer, yet I know I can not find it. Another fear of mine is that there is a heaven, but it is not a restricted place, meaning there is no hell. And who is to limit it only for humans? What if there are murderers, rapists, and fiends in general, then also all types of animals from dinosaurs to current house pets. We would be plunged into an unknown world. A world with supposedly no rules, and we can not die. Or can we? Another fear of mine, what if heaven is just as cruel as our world. You feel pain, loneliness, fear. Not exactly something I would want to be thrusted into. Perhaps one of the worst fears I have about heaven is the fact that we always figure when we die and ascend to the heavens we return to our youth. But who is too say we do not actually ascend in our current state, people with cancer ascend with cancer and must continue their battle in the afterlife. People with missing limbs, are still missing them, people with disabilities are still handicapped, not exactly a place of comfort.