Getting Over the Fear of Death
by Deal with the fear.
How people get over their fears is one thing but the fear of death itself usually is very difficult to overcome. Older people in my family fear it and it is inevitable and elusive. The fear of the unknown is tremendous, one wonders why there has to be growth, development and than a sortie like that especially if the road there is brutal instead of sudden. I am saying this aware of the fact that suffering before dying is itself a traumatic experience. Sudden death would mean that at least there wasn’t that much suffering.
Then the person should who is afraid is usually someone who doesn’t want to leave anything behind. There is a great discomfort knowing that what one has accumulated in life cannot be taken with you, that worldly possessions are only as good as you are living.
But some people are so overwhelmed by the need to get somewhere that they fail to see that all that is temporary and that the reality is that sooner or later they will have to meet their maker. The quest for a better life is what life is for most of us. It is as if we all have ambitions to get ahead and fewer in comparison want to stay behind in oblivion. Still one is faced with the shroud at the end of the quest whether we like or not.
So to get over the fear I would not sweat the small stuff or rather I wouldn’t take life too seriously. I would just get on with living and not dwell on the dark stuff, if it is going to happen it will happen.There are many opportunities to get ahead and yet there are so many obstacles sometimes that death is actually quite trivial to the sum of all that. We will never actually know what it will be like to die unless of course you are one of those lucky enough to awake from an unconscious sleep and see yourself dying. Even then I am referring to the final bow and not the state of unconsciousness and reawakening that happens from time to time. Appreciating the world around you in all its splendor and diversity should help to overcome fear of the unknown and fear of something as infinite as death. It helps to have some sort of spirituality; I think that would help alleviate some of the problems afflicting those who have no family or who need to turn to something, which offers comfort.
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Post Commentmendi
On September 7, 2007 at 8:11 am
that is really good and it really gave me hope. thank you for your good work.i was feeling so down because fear has taken over my life and after reading this, i feel so relieved is like all the burde i have been caring all over me have gone and i believe that this will keep me positive for good.
thank you so much for your lovely thoughts.
The Non-Returner
On October 15, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Thanks so much for posting. Even though I didn’t overcome my fear of death, this made my day.
ecrivan
On November 29, 2007 at 10:12 pm
I also have not yet overcome the fear but I hav learned to deal with it better and it no longer as threatening as it was.
Ken
On May 4, 2008 at 9:15 pm
You know, after all this time I still fear it, but I have learned that (thanks to your writing) It will happen when it does. I am tired of having to worry about it. When it happens, for all of us, it will happen. We live on through our actions and affects on the people around us. Some of us will always be remembered, but NONE of us will EVER be forgotten. WE are who WE are inside and outside, because of what WE do with, for, and in the aid of each other. Blessings to all of you, and may your God, Guardian, Faith, or Belief keep you strengthened. Even if today was that last, know that it was the best.
Jered
On October 17, 2008 at 7:50 pm
The only thing I fear about death is wondering what I’ll see, that is, if you actually see anything at all. Sometimes when I attend funerals and stare at the corpse lying in the casket, I’ll ask myself, “What’s going on and what can they see that we can’t? Is it pleasant? Does the person know where he/she is? What are they thinking and feeling (if they have the eternal will TO think and feel)? Are they looking at our Maker face to face?”
But the one thing that does NOT scare me about death is the fact that hopefully I’ll go to a place where there’s no worry, no pain, no suffering; all my sins will be repented, and hopefully for the sake of it all, I’ll get to see the loved ones I have missed for so many years and meet some people who I’ve always wanted to meet during life and never got the chance. I guess if I’m going to Heaven, that would be my idea of Heaven and what happens to you after death. Everyone tells me that you don’t feel anything when you die, but that’s another fear of mine; I don’t want to feel anything, but nobody knows for sure when you’ll die or how you’ll die. I guess we all just live with the idea that death is in everyone’s future, whether we like it or not. Dying is a part of living, and I hope that when my time comes, I go peacefully.
unknown
On January 18, 2009 at 10:05 pm
idk this kinda helps but ever since my friend died i have been thinking about death alot and then one day i thought holy cow one day i myself am going to pass on and it freaks me out
JLR
On January 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I have been fearful of death lately. The unknown is quite scarey. I fear being lost and abandoned. I fear seeing my family in pain, crying over my casket. I fear never falling in love or having that family I’ve always desired. I fear being buried in the ground and feeing my body deterioate slowly.
I have a strong belief in God and I’m sure He’s quite disappointed in these fears. These fears are not of God at all. He brings peace and love for all mankind. He’s working with me on this one, y’all. Next time I post, I’m sure I’ll have a testimony on how I overcame this fear, with God’s help. Peace and blessings to you all!!!!
Christina
On March 5, 2009 at 2:06 am
I am 25 years old. I have a fear of death. Nothing traumatic (that I know of ) has happend to me in my life. Ive only known three people that have passed away and have only been to two funerals, one of which was for my grandfather when I was about 6 years old…..I have 2 children, one is 3 and the other is two months. So far, I have been able to control my fear-hiding it from people. But every passing day it lays more and more on my mind. I hemmorhaged after giving birth to each of my children and I almost died both times….Although I had this fear of dying way before ever having my children, the fear has intensified after those two close encounters with death.
Im not sure when this fear started but I do know that as far back as I can remember, Ive had this fear. I have a fear of death, of not knowing what will happen to me after I die, of not being able to continue on with my life as I know it, of leaving loved ones behind….I fear for my children-and get very emotional thinking that they could grow up with out me. I get emotional thinking that I could die and not see them grow up or be apart of their lives anymore. I think about this everyday.
My second daughter was born on the 31st of December 2008…the fact that I almost died after giving birth to her…and that it was the second time I almost died giving birth, has left me feeling more vulnerable then ever. And just 2 weeks ago, a 21 year old family member of my husband’s-someone we were both very close with, died right after her 21st birthday in a bizarre and unexplainable car wreck. Going to her funeral last week sent me into an even greater panic. Just knowing that this happend out of no where-her death was the last thing I ever expected to hear about. It was so sudden.
I dont want this to control my life anymore. Im tired of being afraid and most of all of having to hide it and feeling alone and vulnerable. I know that death is inevitable…and maybe thats why I fear it so much…..I know its going to happen, but I dont know when, how,why….what will happen to me after I die, what will happen to my family…I know Im repeating myself but these fears repeat themselves in my brain EVERY SINGLE DAY. I dont know what to do. I dont want this to get worse, but I dont want to tell people about this. I dont want people to think Im crazy and take my kids away or something. Because, as Ironic as this is….I would rather die then lose my children….
This post has helped me understand that death is inevitable. But thats not my only problem. How do I get over the fear of what happens afterr I die.
Quoting #5 by Jered, Oct 17, 2008
“The only thing I fear about death is wondering what I’ll see, that is, if you actually see anything at all. Sometimes when I attend funerals and stare at the corpse lying in the casket, I’ll ask myself, “What’s going on and what can they see that we can’t? Is it pleasant? Does the person know where he/she is? What are they thinking and feeling (if they have the eternal will TO think and feel)? Are they looking at our Maker face to face?” “
THIS IS WHAT I REALLY NEED HELP WITH.
ivan
On March 11, 2009 at 1:22 am
i think the best way to think of dieing is to see it as passing into an eternal life, a better life that will never end and where there are no fears of ever dieing, think of life just passing on to an everlasting life
Sarah
On April 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I am quite young and i have only know two people to die in my family, my grandparents. I think about death constantly. I hate it because I think in school that all these people are going to be dead one day and I get scared and have to stop myself from crying.I’m scared of how it’s going to happen and when but i don’t know what to do but mostly of what it’s going to feel like. I can forget it for awhile but the fear comes back in a shock and mostly at night when everyone is aleep so I can’t go to them.
I’m scared of being without my family and being the last one and not getting married and having children so i’ll be all alone when i’m older without anyone to turn to.
I’ve prayed but nothing has changed and it makes me doubt whether there is a God. I know there isn’t any proof but i need reassurance.
germz
On April 1, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I think its a bit naive to believe that this short passage, that honestly just sounds like common sense, will be of any great help to people that actually deal with this fear. It sounds condescending and a little like a compassionate “suck it up”.
The truth is that this fear is real and due to the complete seemingly arbitrary nature of death, the fear of the unknown is sometimes hard to will away. I think talking to someone that won’t judge you or be quick to start handing out advice about it helps. Even if you need to see a professional, do it. The biggest help for me is just knowing that I’m not alone in being afraid. To know that it isn’t crazy or complete abnormal paranoia. I take it one breath at a time and try to get lost in the mundane activities of day to day living.
ecrivan wordwizard
On April 30, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Hello germz
What ever makes people like yourself think this theses words are final and there is no room for additional opinion, used to be beyond me. I realize though that where there is envy, there is also the need to discredit another’s opinion in order to make your own more valid.
There is no denial that one should seek professional help and that the fear is as ‘real’ as you make it to be. If there was any reference to the fear of death as being irrelevant and imaginary, that is your imagination. Still how could you dare call this condescending? Do you need to discredit another opinion so that you could add the obvious about not being alone with your fear?
It appears that you probably like add insult to other opinions because you yourself do not have the guts to stand alone with a point of view without smearing someone else over some ridiculous speculation.
Getting lost in some mundane activity is no solution so if you think that your fear is bigger than it should be, and there is ‘paranoia’ you yourself should speak to somebody. Is that too condescending for you too?
Cat Morgan
On March 7, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I had a wonderful childhood and teenage years, but a hideous adulthood starting just after I married at age 23 in 1970. First..six months after marriage, I developed SEVERE panic disorder, then SEVERE depression, tried suicide (didn’t work!) and my husband finally took me to a psychiatrist. Thankfully, Valium HELPED control the panic and the anti-depressants DID eventually work. I had a small step-daughter to care for, no parents(they disapproved of marriage and didn’t speak to me again until they were sick and in their 80’s), relatives, family or friends (all had died)…just my husband. So..it was rough. In 1978, I was severely injured (deliberately) by my husband’s sister who shot at my horse. I was kicked in the face by a horse, lost my right eye, most of my face, all of my lower jaw (the bone structure was crushed into fragments). It took me over an hour to walk to a neighbor’s for help. I nearly died, but had NO fear! Odd. We moved to another state later that year, and for about eight years, life was pretty good..even though my appearance was hideous. (I had been a fashion model…not very bright, LOL..but beautiful.) My health was GREAT, though except for occasional panic attacks. Then another MOVE came in 1990..a rough one. We had to live like the “pioneers”. It became a hard life, but I was doing fine until MENOPAUSE hit me! Just before that, someone I was close to in another state had died of Alzheimer’s and consequences. Then SUDDENLY, I was VIOLENTLY AFRAID OF DEATH!! Three years ago, I developed SEVERE Rheumatoid Arthritis and am now on Humira…a TNF blocker as nothing else worked. Now the FEAR OF DEATH has increased at the age of 63. I have constant palpitations, my doctors tell me I could DIE any day from the consequences of RA and the heart damage it did, and I have faintness, dizziness, blackouts, vomiting, etc. all during the day. I KEEP GOING, have a lot of hobbies, do ALL my own housework, TRY to still help my hubby with all the work that needs doing to make our home livable (he is MUCH older than I am and his back is deteriorating rapidly.) My FRIENDS are my wonderful cats and dogs and the only ones I can TALK to. We live on 118 acres in a secluded area as my hubby always preferred total seclusion. I don’t mind that as I’m not lonely…just TERRIFIED I WILL DIE!! I don’t have any religious beliefs…never did..never will and am very scientifically minded and do a LOT of reading of tecnical magazines, articles, etc. I just WISH I could get over the TERROR of death as I know it will come soon. Like others commented, I fear living behind everything and what I KNOW and UNDERSTAND and I FEAR THE UNKNOWN!! And DEATH is the UNKNOWN!! NO ONE EVER COMES BACK!! I’d rather suffer hideous pain FOREVER on this earth than die! All of this sounds really stupid, but I happened to see this website and felt the need to comment. I cannot talk to my husband as he does not understand fear and tends to be unemotional and also somewhat abusive, but not in a physical way. He’s always taken GOOD care of me, given me food, medical care and a place to stay. I’m just as TERRIFIED at losing him to death as he knows how to pay bills and work on the house..plus he’s been my father as well as my husband. Well…I didn’t help anyone on here, so I guess I just “vented” so to speak. So..all you who FEAR death are NOT ALONE! Guess it’s just part of the rotten human condition and I am SO glad we never had children to suffer through this hideous thing called “life”!
the dude
On March 9, 2010 at 1:19 am
i know what helps is if you preoccupy yourself, since whereas your brain can perform multiple tasks at once, it can only truly concentrate on one thing at a time, like a game or a movie, and if you just do things or have company that will help you not focus on that fear, it may not go away but at the very least you’ll forget its there
SG
On August 22, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Just had to say Cat I was very sad to hear your story and the way you feel, I am an intensive care nurse and have never come across anyone who has had it as tough as you.
Maybe because of my job I have what feels like this unnatural fear of death, like many others I feel embarrassed about this as I am an otherwise happy 27 year old and really enjoy life, and cope well with its ups a downs well, I enjoy life, I did lose my Dad at 16 but had a good childhood.
Maybe its because I enjoy life and being part of the world and feel I have so many things I want to achieve, or maybe its because I believe strongly in God but often feel confused about all the different things in the world. But I am extremely afraid of death and every night I lie there not able to sleep because if it, I also have palpitations and feel very anxious, I just want a way to let it go.
Thankyou for all your posts they are all interesting and helpful just to know I am not alone in this, I watched the documentary ‘The Secret’ recently and this helped a little in distracting me from thinking about my fears, but it does not solve the problem…I would like to serve as a nurse in the army and to be brave but this fear is stopping me….
Loveevrsecond!
On November 25, 2010 at 1:04 am
Hello Everyone,
I was taken aback by the fact that so many people feel the same way as I do. This keeps me from thinking I am going insane. I have talked to my really good friends and they don’t seem to understand. My fear began in 2003, when my doctor advice me to get an HIV test. I began reflecting on all the unprotected sex I had experienced. I thought that for sure I was going to be diagnosed positive. The test results came back negative. I was the happiest man on the planet, but this experience installed the fear of death into my mind!!! After this experience, death is constantly on my mind. Every time I get a cold, the first thing in my mind is… “could it be cancer, liver failure, brain tumor, and I always go to those extremes… its crazy!!! Five months ago, I had the guts to open up to my girlfriends Dad. He is a scientist and works for NASA. He obviously does not believe in Religion, but he said something to me that has helped me tremendously. When I told him about my fear, he said this: “Son, We are all ENERGY and ENERGY never DIES. We just transmit from one place to another. Live your life to the fullest and if tomorrow is your time to Go, just know that the energy of life is so much bigger than YOU… everything will be FINE!” After that, I swear, I sleep like a baby at night. It just made so much sense! What was I worried about. With millions of Galaxies in existence, there is more than just US here on Earth. So be happy while we are here because much more exciting things await us.
Mrs. Scared of To Death Of Dying
On January 5, 2011 at 3:51 am
I am a police officer and I am extremely fearful of dying. A fellow officer and friend of mine passed away in may and its been really hard for me to get over it. Every day now my life seems to be over filled with this situation. I have two kids and a husband and I don’t want to ever not be able to see and raise them. I wonder everyday just about with EVERTHING I do if I’m Ever going to make it back to them and vice versa. I’m afraid to let my job know of these feeling because I’m afraid they might try to fire me. I really need help. I wonder when u die do u know ur dead, what if out of the blue u want to get up but can’t because ur six feet under.. This is controlling and ruining my life.. I stay inside all day long because I don’t want anything to happen to me.. Also when its time for me to go to work I Pray Everyday that I’m NOT Working the STREETS.. I’m not trying to seem like a wimp.. Because I’m far from that. I just have serious issues when it comes to death. HELP ME!!! Is there anything I can Take or is there something I can do to get over this FEAR???
Beth
On February 16, 2011 at 1:27 pm
It is sad (for all of us) but comforting not to feel alone. I have been afraid of death since my teens. It was during the ‘Cold War” and I was afraid we were all going to die by nuclear anihilation. I remember asking my parents if they thought it would really happen looking for reassurance that we weren’t going to blow the planet up. My mother died when she was 40 (sudden and unexpected) and I was 20. This certainly cemented my fear of death and it has been with me, in a waxing and waning quality, ever since. It’s always in the back of my mind and sometimes front and center. Like “Loveevrsecond” above, I worry that every symptom means something ominous and I catastrophize all the time. It is horrible. I am taking antidepressant medication and it does help with some of the anxiety and associated depression. I am also about to start cognitive behavioral therapy as well. When I think of all the years I’ve wasted in intense worry and panic over this, it is very, very sad. I am glad to know I’m not alone but so sorry for all of us to have to dealing with this.