How to Talk Kids About Death

The Importance of Honesty 

The worst mistake adults make is to ignore the details, in an attempt to “protect” the child from sadness, they do not talk to the child about it at all. In one situation I know of a child who was five or six had their father die in a car accident. The family really did not talk to much to the child except to say that “Daddy went to heaven” or the “Daddy is now with God“. So it should not have surprised anyone when the child later asked “When is daddy coming home?”. When talking to children who have never experienced death before, it is important to make sure they fully understand death is forever. Too many parents think that they protect their child by sheltering them from the “bad things” in reality, this does not help the child at all.

Do Not Sugar Coat it

In this same instance another mistake was made. The adults referred to God and Heaven in a positive manner as related to death. Young children, especially those under six years, absorb so much into their subconscious. To say that somebody simply “went” to heaven, or that they “are in a better place” or anything along those lines is dangerous on the subconscious level. You are putting tiny ideas into their head that death is better than life. It also makes death seem like a simple thing. As that child gets older, the possibility of suicide does not seem so difficult for a child who was told these innocent things at an earlier age. When you sugar coat death and say things like “Gone to a better place” you are making death sound wonderful, as stated earlier on, this enters their subconscious. Death is not a warm fuzzy blanket to cuddle up in. Do not sugar coat death when talking about it.

The Blame Game

God is an easy one to blame for Death. I recently read about a woman who let her dog out of the house, it got hit by a car while it was running after the child. The child, aged ten, blamed God for killing the dog. In fact this should have been a lesson on pet care, do not let dogs out to run loose. The mother was to blame for the death of the dog. Even the driver, who hit the dog, had very little blame. If somebody is responsible for the death, they should take the blame, allowing a child to blame God is horrible for so many reasons. No, I do not think “God” would be angry at the child for misplacing the blame, I do think that it takes responsibility for death off of those really responsible. It’s a lazy way out. When you blame somebody you cannot see, it is easier than dealing with the truth. Blaming God makes it seem like we are in no way responsible for any thing.