It still really hurts, but it does get better…
Growing up in a secure household where there was never a need for any thought to be given to the insecurity that tomorrow may bring, I had the love of my parents and I grew up with the wonderful companionship of my sister and a house with plenty.
As children we were shielded from the adverse things of life, by never having to face them, although we were made to understand how very fortunate we were and not to ever take anything for granted.
Years have rolled on ever since, and my vision is clouded by the unexpected terminal illness to which I lost my Mum nearly ten years back. It seemed unfair not only because she was young, and so was I, but also we were at that stage in our lives together where we were getting closer and closer and the need to share with her had become almost a necessity. I am a great believer in the the words, ‘Time heals everything,’ and although it seemed impossible at the time, I have overcome my deep sorrow to remember the good days with her, the times we laughed together and the bundle of energy that she was!
In times of grief, people often console you, telling you not to cry, that it will al be alright, and I had all that as well- a close knit extended family and wonderful friends. But the need to grieve is essential and only by allowing myself to feel the pain and on some days get up with the thought that I am not going to make it, did I actually manage to live with the sadness.
There are still days when I miss her so much that my heart physically aches and I am overwhelmed by the fact that my children will never know her, but yet I know she is watching us. If I can be anything like she was as a mother, to my daughters, I will consider myself a real success. She gives me strength to be a better person and I know that if time allows one to get through a personal tragedy and come out on the other side, there is believe strength and resilience in the human spirit. Let not anyone tell you otherwise.