The Energy of Death

When death comes knocking upon your perfect little managed life, it throws you for a curve.  I used to wonder why I could dismiss it so blithely as if it could touch any but me, now I wonder how I could have ever doubted it’s haunting embrace.  Life can be a gift or a curse, the living that get to chose but the dead can influence just as rightly as if they stirred the hands of  fate. 

In the past I learned to let go the things I could not change and many thought it was because of faith, but faith and I are old sparing partners and I can’t say I it was true.  I let those around me believe what they wanted but I know a good story when I hear one as I am a storyteller myself.

I don’t spend much time worrying about death but I know it’s there, I know it breaths beside me every night and watches, waiting until I drift away.  I have spent nights dreaming and some not and I wonder if this is how it will be when it finally happens.  The days and weeks flow into months and years and the thought is always there, but never a true presence until a ripple of unease feeds into the waters of time and shifts my thoughts slightly.

There are so many arguments and philosophies and yet it is only one side of a coin we can’t fathom.  We may have technology and knowledge but we cannot understand the true mechanics of birth and death.  The riddle has stumped many and the questions have abounded but the only one that rings a signal of infinity around my finite brain is the question of energy:  If energy can neither be created or destroyed life and death must be two sides of one coin.

This simple thought has replaced my faith, replaced my questions and pain.  Science, I can understand religion I can only ponder but if I am not worthy of knowing the truth, I will find my own, and when death comes knocking upon my perfect little world again it will be as it should be, a new beginning not just an end.