The Funniest Accidents and Emergencies… You Judge

A man has waited 4 hours in the A and E waiting room for a doctor to confirm his worst fears. His new shoes were giving him blisters.

One very determined man set about committing suicide. He swallowed copious amounts of vodka and a few nitroglycerin pills to boot. When he was questioned about the bruises all over his head, he told the attending doctor he was ramming his head against the wall to get the nitroglycerin to explode.

Another man made an emergency call to tell the hospital he had cut himself shaving. When admitted to the A and E department, the cut had stopped bleeding completely.

Every year the Accident and Emergency teams find things inserted ‘accidently’ in the most bizarre of places. These include but are not limited to: a shaving cream can, a pair of reading glasses, a curling iron, a salami round, a baseball and a frozen pig’s tail. In the attempt to ‘rescue’ a lightbulb from one patient a very resourceful doctor resorted to suction cup darts, baby oil and three inflatable balloon catheters in the race to remove it.

The most non emergency visit ever came from a man who entered the A and E at 2am in the morning with a nasty case of belly button lint.

Then there is the tale of the man who wanted to play Father Christmas so badly he jumped down the chimney, tying a rope around his waist for safety attached to the family car. It was all going swimmingly until his wife got in the car and drove off.

The most entertaining call is that of a woman who rang the A and E to determine how long to cook her Christmas turkey. The triage nurse informed her it was hardly an emergency call, but the lady shot back “If I don’t cook it properly we’ll all get food poisoning and then it WILL be your problem”.

A middle aged woman had been admitted to the A and E department complaining of abdominal pain. The doctors were hardly surprised when they pulled a whole chicken out, piece by piece, from her vagina. As she had been unable to have children she was hoping the chicken would turn into a baby.

Accidents and Emergencies often take on bizarre forms when common household appliances are misused. The most favourite by far (among men) is the common vacuum cleaner. Men tend to find they have a very ‘satisfying’ experience with the good old hoover, although not much cleaning ever seems to be undertaken. Needless to say if it all goes wrong and things get stuck… you’re going to look mighty silly in the A and E waiting room. One man had driven across two states to find a hospital to make sure his tale was never making it back home. Ouch.

The moral of this story is…  do you know, I haven’t the faintest idea! Don’t play with vacuum cleaners?

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