We go through life engaging in a variety of experiences. We love. We hurt. We develop daily routines. Some live prosperous lives, while other struggles. Families bond and others disengage.

We have those talks; you know the ones when we discuss who we like or dislike, express opinions on a variety of subjects, and share thoughts of love.

We shine a light on memorable moments and conversations and turn the light off on others due to a lack of comfort. However, the topic often left out of conversations due to the discomfort is the subject of death.

Yes. Death is often left in the dark. Why is this subject worth discussing now? Because I encounter too many families who have loved ones dieing, but relatives and friends are placed in a compromising position due to one’s previous discomfort with the issue.

Everyone is going to die at some point. Whether or not we are going to die is not the issue. The issue is the lack in preparation for death.

Life Insurance

Life insurance is a critical need. This is the insurance everyone should have. It is just as important for children to be covered. No one knows when they are going to die. However, the family should have some sort of financial assistance when this happens. Life insurance will help to avoid debt for your family when you die.

Make certain the amount of insurance taken out will be a good amount for your family. If you hope to have a $10,000 funeral, do not have a $5,000 life insurance policy. Understand your policy. So many people purchase life insurance policies without completely understanding the specifics.

Make certain this policy is worth your investment. This would include policies through your job. If the policy will no longer uphold when you leave the job, seek out an additional policy.

Advance Directives

Advance Directives identify the choices your family and physician will make in the event of a health crisis. Advance Directives include Directives to Physician and Family or Surrogates, Medical Power of Attorney, Out of Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Order, and Declaration for Mental Health Treatment.

Directives to Physician and Family/Surrogates

The Directives to Physician and Family or Surrogates is a written form which expresses your desires in the event you have a medical crisis and you are not able to speak for yourself. This is recommended to be completed once a person enters adulthood.

This directive will instruct your family on whether to pursue aggressive treatment or to seek comfort measures only. This does not have to be completed with a lawyer. Some states have designed the form to only need witness or to be signed before a notary. Research your state’s laws on advance directives to determine if you need a lawyer for completed Directives to Physician and Family or Surrogates.

Power of Attorney

Power of Attorney is a form to be completed in order to designate someone to make medical and financial decisions for you if you are unable to make decisions for yourself. The actual form allows for at lease two alternates just in case the person you designated is not able to make decisions for you. This form, just like the Directives to Physician and Family or Surrogates, in some states does not need to be completed through a lawyer.

I do, however, recommend you complete this with a lawyer even if your state does not require it. This is my recommendation because a complete Power of Attorney should include medical and financial decisions that a lawyer would have sure competence about explaining to you and assuring you understand what you are agreeing to sign.

Out of Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Order

Out of Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Order is a form which needs to be signed by you, your physician, and two witnesses in the event you have an irreversible condition and do not want to receive CPR, life support, etc. If you do not want to be resuscitated, this form is highly recommended. Otherwise, you will probably be resuscitated if a crisis occurs. This form does not need to be completed with a lawyer; you should be able to obtain it from your state’s website or other local sources.

Declaration for Mental Health Treatment

The Declaration for Mental Health Treatment would absolutely need to be completed with a lawyer. This will instruct a mental health facility what type of treatment you would like if you are mentally incapacitated.

Last Will & Testament

Dying wills (Last Will & Testament) should be completed with a lawyer. Some people do dying wills informally. However, this poses an opportunity to family members who do not like the outcome to challenge the fact of the will not technically being legal.

Any possessions that will remain after your death of sentimental value should be given to someone in legal written form. This will cause less family conflict over your possessions. You will choose who gets what.

In the event you were to need twenty-four hour care due to an irreversible condition, what action would you like your family to take?

Nursing Homes

The first option is nursing home placement. People are often reluctant to place their family in a nursing facility. However, not all nursing homes are bad. If you are assuring your family member is cared for, then there should not be a problem.

Private Care Homes

The second option is Private Care Home placement which is like a nursing, but with about five or six patients. Some of these homes sometimes accept certain insurances. However, some are private pay only. Therefore, if this is the option you would like to take. You would need to assure you will have the financial resources for this option if you must pay privately.

Providers/Sitters

The Last option is provider/sitter services or individual private paid sitters. These sitters will come to your home. Not all of these services have nurses or certified med aides. Therefore, you may want to look into a service or individual who has the background of the care you would like to receive.

This is also primarily private pay. Therefore, the resources would need to be available if this is the option you prefer. Which means a special account would need to be developed or your retirement should be great enough to cover these expenses.

Pre-Arranged Funerals

What type of funeral arrangements would you like? Pre-arranged funerals are easier on the family. However, if you can not afford to make pre-arrangement, do what you can.

Put your funeral expectations is writing. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Through what funeral home or cremation service? Where do you want to be buried or your ashes spread?

These are basic answers which could make things less conflicting for the family.

Conclusion

This is not a subject I ask you to talk about everyday. I am simply recommending you approach this uncomfortable subject long enough to let your family, physician and friends know your wishes in writing and orally. This would cause a reduction in distress in a difficult period of time for your loved ones.

Facing the reality of death is difficult, but wouldn’t you prefer to feel uncomfortable for a matter of days versus years of your family being in distress due to a lack of preparation? For your loved one’s sake, don’t let this subject be left in the dark.