Unresolved Grief and The Family Gamble

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        The family gamble is when a family makes a decision if there is actually a loss of a family member. An example of family gamble is making decisions to become emotional ready to part ways with a comatose family member. Is there a chance of recovery? If there is a recovery, what can of quality of life is he or she going to have? Should I make funeral plans (Boss 1999)?
         A researcher describes a father who came down with Alzheimer’s disease at forty years of age. His youngest son was certain that he would contract Alzheimer’s disease at an earlier age too. Thoughts of what kind of life he would have, or the life his own family would have if he chose to marry and have children (Boss 1999). The compromise he has to think about is almost impossible to fathom. Should he take the family gamble and realize that there is nothing that he can do to change his father’s situation? Should he grieve now and continue to live out his life that it may be cut short too?
         Research indicates that not all cultures take the family gamble. “because people who form families together often come from different backgrounds, they may have different ideas about how or when to gamble” (Boss 1999 p.103). Boss (1999) further describes a North American Indian woman that believes elderly people with dementia has come full circle in their life. This is just a function of a full life.

         For the family who is struggling with ambiguous loss and can’t compromise or take the family gamble, time will have to do this for them. Compromising may not be the option, but spending as much quality time with the person may ease the grieving process. I chose not to grieve until after I know that my loved one is truly gone. Boss (1999) states “Some families insist on treatment to keep their loved one alive despite knowing that the illness is terminal” (p.98).  Open communication the terminally ill loved one may ease the ambiguous loss. Does he or she have a living will, do they wish for the family to move on with the life? These are questions that need to be addressed.