When I win some millions-plus dollars or more in something like a contest, PCH (of which I’m a member, mind you), or the Florida Lottery, I have a lot of things to do with it. Besides purchasing my alto clarinet and its materials and lesson plans for it and the Sibelius software to compose and transcribe music, I’d pay all my bills, taxes, and college loans all in one shot.

For now, my life is a 4-ton cross on my back, and I’m crucified to it.

I am an autistic individual, and I consider myself between PDD-NOS and Aspergers Syndrome – right of the upper reaches of the dreaded spectrum. I with the mysterious disorder have interests that impede me from “proper living,” a normal life which neurotypical individuals (NTs) prefer over my “small world” one. Worst of all, I’m currently suspended from my higher education intuition, Southwest Florida College (SWFC) thanks to my own standard of life I live and am struggling out of.

My troubles with autism in college life started when I tried enrolling into the Art Institute of Tampa as a baking and pastry undergraduate. Not only it was pricey, but Muetti feared of very few opportunities for bakers and sugar artists. She then enrolled me in a medical billing and coding major (more like minor) at SWFC, in which I’m not impressed with. (There’s a perquisite to it – especially in a cruddy economy – it’s part of healthcare, a career field that almost always stays afloat whatever the financial circumstance may be.)

I was a bit above average on the first few courses, but as the terms went by, it seems to me that I was neither only not comprehending the course materials nor struggling with them – I was procrastinating. I am an avid music lover, and I read and write about it. (I will compose, but I postpone it until I either win or earn a huge sum of money  to buy the Sibelius software and complete my medical course.) I am a Facebook user, and I made contacts with friends, a few relatives, and even musical theater writers. With my obsessions of music (especially musical theater and band music) and that social networking site used by innumerable millions, I procrastinated myself in school to obtain bad grades in college.

That’s when the academic warnings rolled in – I ignored them and disposed them to hide those stomach-wrenching facts from Muetti. By the end of this February, when she was renewing my dependent health insurance, she found out that I’m in the current state – suspended from SWFC. She grilled me for what happened, and scolded me for the debt and betrayal I caused offered to her. She then briefly made me do household chores and I did them with no acting up (that’s how I usually reacted to her being so furious). At break time, I got onto the computer and applied for jobs online.