Letting Your Disabled Child Succeed
by Why do some parents tend to hold back their disabled children from experiencing life?
Why do some parents tend to hold back their disabled children from experiencing life? Even when they are grown, the parents will not allow certain things to happen. True, they do have a certain amount of responsibility in protecting their severely disabled adult child, but at what point do they become overly protective?
Parents want so much to create a safe haven, a place where they know that nothing bad will happen to their beloved child. This seems to be a respectable and notable act in caring for a person with a disability, but with it can come a side effect. When protecting their child from suspected hardships, not wanting anything bad to happen to them, they very well may be preventing good things from happening to them.
In life we all make mistakes, it is how God enables us to grow and strengthen our character. Parents may feel that in certain instances their child will get hurt or mistreated in some way, so they build walls in their own minds convincing themselves of the need to shelter. However, the disabled, yes even the “severely disabled” deserve to make personal mistakes as well. Even more, they have the right to succeed.
Parents should do everything and anything within their power to see their disabled children lead a somewhat “normal” life. Parents should help their children, not hold them down. This could make them think they are unworthy and/or that their parents do not believe in them.
Whatever it may be, let them at least try. If they want to attend college, so be it. Parents should find out all they can, and be involved in every detail. Get to know the aides, experience it with them. If they want to date and someday marry, so be it. Same rule applies, get to know the girlfriend or boyfriend. Don’t shut them out and form bad or critical opinions about them just because you are afraid. Unite as a family and make it work. Parents should be a bridge, not a brick wall.
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Post CommentOhSugar
On January 22, 2009 at 8:10 am
This is a piece after my own heart. I work with ESE children everyday and we, our team, help them do their best everyday. I enjoyed reading this piece. Yes, I agree, parent do tend to hold them back, instead of let them do all that they are capable of do.
Karen Gross
On January 22, 2009 at 10:16 am
You are absolutely right, but I’m sure that you can understand that protecting children is a God-given instinct in parents. Finding that balance is hard enough with healthy children, I can only imagine what it must be like for parents of a disabled child. Have patience with your parents – this is a learning experience for them as well.
Anne McNew
On January 23, 2009 at 12:36 am
I absolutely agree with you that parents should not build walls; children should be given the chance to get involved and lead them to work on their potentials.
I haven’t lived a person with disability, though I still would like to encourage that parents and children should highly develop among themselves OPEN COMMUNICATION at all times. This way, everything: actions and words and ideas will be well taken.
Live a happy life, and that’s the best part of it.
Kimberly Daniels
On January 23, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I agree. My parents in a way sheltered me in some instances. They never let me drive which I was more than capable of doing since I can ride a bike. Since I have moved out they have relized a lot more things that they didn’t realize when I was living with them.
I some what can understand your fustration with your parents. I went through it with mine. You situation a little different than mine being that your in a chair but parents need to give all of us our freedom and a chance to live.
Johnny Yuma
On January 30, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I think we do a good job with our daughter, as she gets out and goes to work like she wants to do each day. She wasn’t interested in going on to college, but she is doing what she wants to do with her life so far anyway. You seem to be a very smart girl that has hit on a very good but a very touchy subject. Many adults I think wouldn’t want to talk about this and how good a job they are doing at it whether it is good or bad.
Great work Melinda!
Johnny Yuma