Odd Aspie Out
by An adult with Asperger’s Syndrome further discusses his struggles fitting in with the world, being bullied in it as a child, and ostracized from it as an adult.
There are some people, who while otherwise sympathetic to my struggles and frustrations of this disability, say that I need to rise above it.
They will say that I need to move on from all of the bullying and abuse heaped upon me all those years ago. They will say, “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do”, and that I “need to take responsibility for myself and for my actions”, which does make a point, in the sense that I have made mistakes in my life that has cost me. I am not trying to deny that or paint myself as the perfect person or helpless victim.
If I were an NT – a neurotypical person who did not have AS or any other type of disabilities, rising above being mistreated and taking responsibility for myself, more than I already have, would be much easier to do.
I believe, however, that to ask an “aspie” to simply rise above his shortcomings and his scars from abuse and social alienation is akin to asking a paraplegic in a wheelchair to simply get up and walk. Even those people without Asperger’s who have been bullied, ostracized, and rejected as youngsters, like I was, oftentimes never “get over” such humiliations. Some remain adversely affected and unhappy, if not outright bitter. The reason? It is simply too difficult to just “get over” such bad memories and to “move on”..
They can never forget, and often cannot forgive. To be perfectly honest, this describes me.
I do realize, however, that I have to count my blessings. I have a family that supports and accepts me, Asperger’s and all, plus a few close friends. If not for them, I’d possibly be a homeless panhandler on the street, if not dead in a ditch somewhere.
Maybe someday, with their help and love, I can learn to forgive those who trespassed against me as a kid, if not forget. That would certainly be a step toward a complete healing. Perhaps one day me and other “aspies” will be understood and accepted for who they are, rather than be judged for what they are not. That is certainly something that keeps me going.
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Post CommentAnonymous
On June 23, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Hello. I wanted to thank you so much for posting your story!
I too am Asperger’s, and biracial. I am also an adult, and I am dealing with the same kind of struggles that you are dealing with. I agree with you that being a minority and having something such as; Asperger’s can be very diffucult. Especially if you’re an African American. I have come to realize, that not too many African Amerian are very educated on this particular disorder, more than whites are. Especially in this era. There is a movie out called, “If Only You Could Say It In Words”, that was directed by Nicholas Gray. It is a film about an African American who grows up being undiagnosed with Asperger’s. I have not seen it myself, but it’s definitely worth something.
Rob
On February 19, 2010 at 10:57 am
I enjoyed your story. I have AS too, but am white. I’m 4 years younger than you (by your story). I struggled a lot. I have overcome and am still overcoming a personality disorder, anxiety issues, and now I’m working on PTSD for issues I didn’t even know I had at the time, LOL. 7 years of therapy so far. Before getting therapy, I struggled and missed lots of opportunities, like you said. Therapy requires so much effort from me, but what alternative do I have? I had to realize that nobody’s offering real help, but my therapist slows it down and feeds it to me a little at a time, so he’s patient, and lets me deal with it. He’s flexible in changing everything into a cerebral statement, where I can understand it better. Like you said though, young adulthood brought a respite for some reason. I was lucky to have met a woman during college that I later married. She is the one that pushed me to go to therapy, and it’s been a struggle for her too. I’m glad that she is so caring. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the way I understand it, being a target wasn’t your fault. If it wasn’t you, they would have probably found someone else, or else someone would have stepped in to stop them (a bystander). The ostracized you probably because they were afraid of being ostracized and thought they could learn the power of ostracism in the lowest risk way possible of being ostracized themselves, by finding a target they thought had the least ability to put a stop to it: you. The fact that others were using you that way made you more of an attractive target since they were proving they could do it without consequences. IMHO, you are as responsible as a woman asking to be raped. If men were going around raping one another, some men are so afraid they’d rape just to have a taste of what they see as power. In fact, people more likely to rape are those who’ve been raped as children. What I think they’re confused about though is that it was power to begin with. When enough people like you and I live through that successfully, and some of the perpetrators end up jobless, mean, wifebeaters, etc, bystanders start to wonder what’s up and begin to be more likely to step in. They stop buying the bulls&!\ that the bullies are doing a public service by ostracizing the undesirable people, since you’re proving them otherwise. The uglyness gets exposed for what it is. African culture should not be so anti-intellectual and at the same time be crying fowl or pulling the racist card. You make your own bed. People like you are the heros for so many. Keep it up. Get help if you need it.