Are Our Children’s Schools Failing Us?

What would you do when your phone rings during the afternoon, son in school, you doing your usual daily routine. Someone, not affiliated with the school, calls and tells you your child has been badly hurt and to come quickly. First you make sure it’s true, then shock sets in, anyway for myself it did.

The sudden and unexpected cruelty of my child being assaulted while in school resulted in post traumatic disorder for myself, I am his mother. The system doesn’t appear to be getting any better in dealing with School Bullies.

How are our schools dealing with their students already suspect of having problems? What if the students form of aggression is drug related, are they classified as a bully or are they totally without personal conscience? We can’t always blame the parents of a bully or are some cases negligence of the parent to get help for their troubled teen?

I can only speak from my experience, my child’s pain, the trauma we both suffered at the hands of a school bully. I have psychologically blanked his face from my mind, in hopes that it never reappears. He no longer has a face for me to have to remember, my memory blanked it out, only his behavior, his intentional criminal and cruel actions. The terrific harm he did to my child, caused by his loss of control and mindless behavior.

I no longer ask the same questions of myself. Why did his parents not seek help for their son? This troubled boy clearly exhibited ongoing problems. Why should any parent have to deal with the devastating actions of crime committed by another student who decides to unload on their child?

I tell this story from first hand experience what this unwelcomed intrusion had on our lives, the lasting overwhelming effects that became so much a part of my life. I still am not sure how deeply this has hurt my son’s psyche, I pray in time he will forget given his forgiving nature. I however hard I try still am brought back to the devastation that should never have happened. This undeserving form of violence can be life changing.

As parents we place our children in school in hopes it is like their home away from home, sometimes with more supervision. In this case the lack of proper supervision and fact being that the school principal and everyone down the line knew of this kids many problems, he was a school “bully” and was known by parents of his acquaintances in school to be more than just a little troubled.

What do you say, what do you do when clearly the school looks the other way or turns a blind eye? He had been noticed and warned but never dealt with properly. Well, it was to our demise that he would explode, this walking time bomb.

My son never had the chance to protect himself as it all came at him so fast, he was caught completely off guard. Imagine your child having lunch like every other school day, and only a few tables back his attacker decides to throw food, such infantile behavior. Your child becomes annoyed after being hit in the back a few times, it’s only natural to get up and ask the person why he is doing this and to please stop. What happened thereafter was by all accounts criminal behavior.

The bully gets mad, has a super adrenalin rush from drugs or something, lunges at your child, and continually punches him in the face and head. No chance to protect himself, is shocked, trips and falls to the ground consequently passing out. The physical and emotional pain inflicted could have been avoided, I only hope this was a lesson learned, but I fear not.

Not enough exposure is given to these random acts of violence, not enough punishment, and in our case not enough follow up. Who else will suffer at the hands of this bully, or another? Will this one snap again, will he lunge at another unexpecting teen, will it be a repeat against another possibly vulnerable student in school? How do we stop these kids who cause such havoc, how does one begin to understand how to prevent how horrific an act a repeat bully can create?

Will this kid go out in the world and continue to harm others physically for lack of proper ongoing treatment and consequences? I worry for my child and all the other parents that are involved in their children’s lives, be them elementary, junior high or in this case high school. Should he have been allowed to continue attending school, absolutely not.

Did the school know of his prior offenses and problems, Yes. Were some of my son’s friends very worried about what happened, or did I get the sense that they were just glad it hadn’t been them. Their parents called to ask me to speak out, I knew they wanted my voice heard so their child would not be the next random victim. I did all I could, all I was capable of under the circumstances.

Are single parents heard as loudly as together parents? I fought as hard as I was able, all the while trying not to collapse from the injuries my child sustained at the hands of what I consider a cruel and callous kid. He thankfully would be punished at a later date, at least that much gave me some solace, his time would come, he was harshly punished.

I could have lost my child that afternoon, just one more blow could have permanently maimed or finished him. Will the next victim be as fortunate to survive? Do I wish the system would change, yes, should there have been more due diligence on the school’s part, absolutely. For now I just thank god the damages were not worse, I will not forgive, or forget the place, the school I had so much trust in.

I always joked “My son spends more of his waking hours in school, than at home.” He had attended this school district since his kindergarten years, been an exemplary student. A quiet, very kind, honor roll student who took great pride in his grades and hard work.

Our schools are so over prepared for the “bigger picture” of what may happen, that they have forgotten how important it is to demand a higher level of attention by the adults that are being paid, to daily watch out for the schools troubled students. They had been forewarned about this kid and knew of previous happenings. He needed help and guidance and they just dropped the ball on this one.

I believe in Parent power, doing a better job in our homes, teaching values and patience along with virtues to our kids, listening to them. Staying in touch with the school if there are existing problems, or the school making it a rule to stay in contact with the parents.

I always had such faith in the school I had grown so familiar with, sadly said, I no longer can say this. I pray for the future of all our schools and hope changes are made within the curriculum. Some are a breeding ground for many of the worst traits in our society. We have to weed out the known bullies rehabilitate them, drug check and more.

I am thankful to have left this supposedly “upper class school,” this school that clearly seemed afraid to confront parents when the students did not obey by their spoken and written rules. My observation was they many times did not want to mix with the parents for fear of upsetting them, fear of the repercussions, anger and protection these parents give their children.

My hope is that no one else should have to learn the hard lesson, or suffer torment at the hands of bullies.

My son went on to be tutored and graduate on time. He attends college and made the Deans list his first year in College.