An interesting question came to me this week.  Like most small schools, our district is always scrambling for money.  My principal discovered the Laura Bush library grants.  Among other things, they provide for funding training for next-generation librarians.  The grant is primarily geared toward institutions developing training programs, but it did re-visit a question I’ve been asking myself for a while:  should I return to college?  I have a master in library science.  My logical options would be a second master in educational technology, education, or a doctorate in information sciences.

I ruled out the education option quickly; I’m not cut out to be a principal or superintendent.  I don’t have the diplomacy to deal with parents; and I’d have half the middle school suspended.  In fact, I’m not sure some times that I’m really cut out to be a teacher–although some days are better than others.

That leaves Ed. Tech, which I do find fascinating or biting the bullet, and seeing if I can enter the doctoral program.

Getting my Master was quite an ordeal.  First, I had to prove that I had immediate need.  (That was for financial aid; I didn’t have the cash to pay for my classes outright.)  Next, was gathering up transcripts from all the places where I had taken a class or two–I did wander about a bit in my twenties.  Then there was the GRE–a monster test for which there is no way to study, because most of it is logic driven.  As usual, I scored well on the verbal/linguistic side, and barely squeaked by on the math.  But…I made it, and was admitted to graduate studies on probation.

At the end of the first semester, my then-husband packed up his stuff and went home to mama.  And I do mean that literally–we had an argument in the morning, and when I got home he had shoved the trash off the truck bed, loaded his personal effects, and was gone.

Technically, Mizzou’s School of Information Science & Learning Technologies has an on-line branch, and as a non-traditional student, I certainly qualified for being a distance learner.  “Distance” was the operant term here; I took classes online, but most of them required a face-to-face meeting at least four times during a semester.  Other classes were traditional night classes.  MU partners with MSU, KU and other state universities to offer classes “at the location most convenient for students.”  Convenience is a very flexible term in this instance; I traveled over most of the western part of Missouri for my classes–sometimes driving more than a hundred miles to reach a session, in all kinds of weather.

You would think that a school scheduling professional development sessions for staff would take into consideration the classes their teachers are taking; but no, such was NOT the case, and I occassionally had conflicts between required training for work and required training for the degree–which was also required.

During the nearly three years I was taking graduate classes, I worked full time the first two years, carrying a full class load.  I didn’t do much besides work or study.  Social life was non-existant.  During that time, my youngest son sort of lost his way in life, my marriage dissolved, my initial teaching position also dissolved, and I moved.   Losing the job (which prompted the moving), actually turned out to be a blessing.  For my final year, I was only part-time, giving me much more time to devote to my studies.  This was fortunate, because this was the year that I did my internship and it culminated in the monster test for my MA.

It was a time of wonder, fear, sorrow, fatigue, and one heck of a lot of time spent at a computer typing.  Do I want to plunge back into that fast-paced, driven environment?  Has it really made that much difference in my approach to life?  Has it really increased my income?  “Doctor” has a nice ring to it, and could open up adjunct teacher…but what are my real chances of being admitted to a doctoral program?  My undergrad grades are certainly nothing to boast of–I did well in my English and Drama classes, but math, social studies, science and other practical areas were passing but not exciting.  (Well, unless you count failing college algebra three times and finally getting a D- exciting.  Not the kind of excitement I prefer.)  I carried a 3.6 GPA as a graduate student; thank goodness library classes have a strong verbal/linguistic component!  Cataloging and statistics kept me from getting too confident of my grades.  I had to take a second try at web design.  Oddly, cataloging and web design are two areas I grew to appreciate after graduation.

But…that is still begging the question.  Do I want this?  In eight years, I will be able to retire…technically, at least.  Is more school a wise investment?  Will I actually be able to retire?  I remember meeting with others–some I enjoyed and delighted in, some I wondered what rock they crawled from beneath.  One thing was for sure:  I felt alive.

Was that what I was really craving?  That shot of adrenaline that goes with working at the top of ones abilities, cutting the pennies so fine you could bleed to death on the edges, shutting out everything but the job before you?  Was I missing that fine-honed focus I once felt?

If so, is a return to the University the answer?  Or should my efforts be better spent elsewhere?

Echo answereth not–or only with a repetition of that which I already know.  So I stare at the list of requirements for a doctoral candidate and wonder:  Could I do it?  Would they accept me?  Maybe I should ease in with some ISILT classes–just to get back in the swing of things.  Can’t get funding without a degree program, though.  Tick-tock clock…only so much time to decide, till another year passes me by.