Homeschooling and Socialization: Myths and Truths
Whenever I tell people that I want to homeschool my children, the inevitable question is: “But what about their socialization?” My answer is always this: “To give them good socialization is precisely the reason why I want to homeschool my kids.”
Of all the aspects of homeschooling, it is socialization that always gets the biggest question mark. Every time somebody finds out that I want to homeschool my kids, the inevitable question that follows is, “But what about socialization?”
Socialization, which includes good manners, good values, character and social graces, is precisely the reason why I want to homeschool my kids. Here are the myths, and truths, that I’ve discovered about homeschooling and homeschoolers’ socialization.
Myth 1: Homeschooled children have little or no chance to develop their socialization skills.
This myth comes with the assumption that homeschooled kids are locked in the house with little or no social interaction whatsoever. If that was the case, then yes, homeschoolers would have very few chances to practice and develop their socialization skills.
However:
Point number one: Homeschoolers DO go out of the house. They attend Little League, and music classes, and join the Boy Scouts, choir, etc. They go to church and playgrounds. They visit zoos, museums, libraries, shopping centers, and learn to interact with the people who work there. Because they are not cooped up in school, they have MORE time to see the real world. Because their parents are supervising them, they are less likely to get kidnapped, bullied, molested, or influenced in bad ways.
Point number two: If ever there is a homeschooler who hardly ever gets out of the house and learns only to socialize with his/her own family, that is already a feat. Families are often the most difficult people to socialize with, but since we have them for the rest of our lives, it is most important that we learn to get along with them more than anybody else. It is a sad fact that while many of us are terrific at socializing with strangers who mean nothing to us, we do not know how to live well and get along with our own families who mean more to us than anybody else in the world.
Myth 2: In regular schools, children are better trained in socialization skills because they are forced to be with children their own age.
If you’ve read “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding, you would realize that being with people your own age is not the best way to learn good socialization skills. Older people teach you wisdom from their experiences, and mentor you through life.
Younger people teach you leadership, gentleness, and responsibility. Being with people your own age, on the other hand, teaches you to compete, dog-eat-dog, and every man for himself.
Oh, you may disagree, but look closely at the majority of your relationships, with older people, with children, and with men or women your own age, and you’ll see that this is true.
In addition, if your child learns his socialization skills from fellow children, what will they teach him? They are just as inexperienced and ignorant as he is! So you have the blind leading the blind. The reason why we have parents is so that somebody will guide us properly in the world. This is not the job of our siblings, playmates and peers.
Myth 3: Homeschooled children are pampered, so they are ill-equipped to handle the stresses of real life.
Homeschooled children are NOT pampered: They are trained, in a safe environment, so they can focus on their training.
Before a teacher is released into a real classroom, she is taught educational theories for four years, then given time to practice in a laboratory classroom. Before a pilot is released to fly a real plane, he is taught aeronautics and allowed to practice on a flight simulator; then before he flies solo, he has to fly with a flight instructor.
Imagine what would happen if you simply push some person in front of a classroom, or into a cockpit, and tell him or her, “Go teach,” or “Go fly.”
Why should socialization be any different? Why should we expect our children to know what to do when we send them to school at seven years old and tell them to “Go make friends. Be a good boy/girl,” without training them how?
Isn’t it better to teach your child the proper values and social graces first, then slowly release him into the world with gradually decreasing amounts of supervision, before completely letting him go, when he is ready and good and strong?
“Train a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it.”
Myth 4: Schools can’t be bad; after all, most of us were raised in schools and we’re okay.
Are we? How many of us were traumatized in high school because we had poor social skills? Because we were too shy? Because we lacked confidence in ourselves?
How may of us right now are at ease at formal dinners? How confident are we, when meeting people, that our table manners or social etiquette are up to par?
How many of us have failed in life, in our relationships, in our jobs, because our social skills, values and ethics are lacking or underdeveloped?
How many of us made the wrong friends, hung out with the wrong people, made the wrong choices, dated the wrong guy who always made us feel afterwards like we had a stain that couldn’t be removed?
And if, indeed, we are lucky enough to be all right, is that a good enough reason to put our own children under the same risky situations, hoping that they will be as lucky as we were?
Just because you survived your childhood without seatbelts and car seats, is that a good enough reason for you to let your children ride without car seats and seatbelts too, and cross your fingers?
Not for my kids. You decide for yours.
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User Comments
..wow
On August 21, 2007 at 7:26 pm
nice i nvr thought of it that way
francie
On August 23, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Beatrice,
Although I did not know much of Homeschooling, your article is great! Yes, there are many Myths out there and a lack of appreciation for the many benefits that come from homeschooling. I could not have personally done it as I do not hold a teaching degree. I really am pleased for your ‘Truths’ spoken amidst the many ‘Myths’. It is an admired alternative to sending our children to public schools. We vote for the school administrators and down the line to be in the position they seek. I at least would like to believe they are doing their best for our children.
I wholeheartedly agree with all you say and still cannot figure out what went so terribly wrong with a system I had so much faith and trust in. Times are changing, things have become so scary in our schools. I find now that I pray daily no further harm comes to my son as he continues his education.
Thank you for your enlightening article, you are to be *Commended for showing the benefits of homeschooling.
Beatrice Adams
On August 30, 2007 at 5:38 am
I’ve been to your article and left my comments there. Thanks for the link, Lex. That was a good article, very useful, especially for students wanting to get into a good college, and for their parents as well.
Welcome to Triond!
Liane Schmidt
On September 6, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Dear Beatrice,
I applaud your efforts at homeschooling your own children. I believe having children in this country is far too easy of an endeavor. We must take driver’s tests in order to drive and we need a license to own a gun, but to raise a child, a person can be any age, any background, etc. Homeschooling is an incredibly, generous endeavor and though not all people would agree, I believe that it is a beautiful thing. I do not have anything against public/private schooling as well. To each their own. I believe whatever is truly the best for a person is how he or she should live their life.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes to you always.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Elena H.
On September 8, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Great article on homeschooling benefits.
Nick Kenney
On November 5, 2007 at 11:46 am
WOW! I never thought of it this way…you’re absolutely right, Beatrice. Public schools today are frightening and if we had kids they certainly would NOT attend one. I applaud your decision, your commitment and passion to protect and nurture your kids. You go girl!
I’m going back out on the road to drive truck so if you don’t hear from me for awhile…that’s why. I’ll only be home 3 days per month. I don’t have a choice, there aren’t any jobs in our state. I’m hoping to write while I’m driving (tape recorder)and then submit them here when I come home. I’m also looking into getting my work published professionally.
You take care of yourself and your kids and I am truly honored that you enjoy my stories…
God’s blessings,
Nick Kenney
HB
On February 26, 2008 at 11:26 pm
An interesting article, but I am still not sold on homeschooling. The bottom line remains that parents are simply not qualified or educated enough to undertake a job as complex and specialized as the intellectual/psychological rearing and development of children and adolescents. Just because you are a good, caring parent, does not automatically mean you will be a good teacher; in fact, the opposite is often the case. Also, I agree that the public school system is far from perfect. But would you honestly deny your child something like medical care from a professional doctor, because the health system has flaws as well, and instead choose to ‘home treat’them? And what about exposure to different KINDS of people, whether racial, religious, ethnic, economic or otherwise? Schools provide crucial social contexts in order for children to cultivate respect for all others, regardless of any perceived differences.I feel this is an enormously misguided trend, and that ultimately, your children will pay the price, when they must compete with others who had the benefits of a traditional school experience. In a country which is gripped with a fear of foreigners and terror (recall the recent propositions to erect a wall on the borders to shut people out), this is another manifestation of an insular, ignorant, siege mentality. Sorry, I’m just not sold at all.
CA
On April 24, 2008 at 1:08 pm
One ignorant post above me…
Mentioning a bunch of junk, and clearly needs to read the article a little slower!
Take a look at kids in this day and age, they have no manners, no respect, still racist, and worst of all, little knowledge! Such a shame. They spread like a virus. *Places index finger on forehead. I wonder why…hmm…hmm…hmm.*
“your children will pay the price, when they must compete with others who had the benefits of a traditional school experience.”
Benefits? So many kids in traditional school LACK education and socialization skills. Doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure that out! Where have you been!?
Again…*Places index finger on forehead.*
Athlyn Green
On May 22, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I couldn’t agree with your insights more. I home schooled my two children and when my son returned for the last year or two of high school, he was popular, was an honor roll student and won a scholarship.
Both kids had a better set of values and weren’t so influenced by their peers.
Marjorie
On June 19, 2008 at 9:16 am
Wow, the level of HB’s ignorance is, to me, part and parcel of what’s wrong with our public school system, a system of which he/she is likely a product. Our homeschool association has more than 150 families with 200 or so children and when we all get together you almost can’t believe how well mannered yet lively a mass gathering it is. Many students in our assoc. are award winners in various extracurricular and academic competitions, some have already begun college careers at ages 15 or 16, and I have yet to meet one maladjusted child in any age range. I cannot understand the perspective of folks like HB who think parents are qualified for certain aspects of child training and not others! It doesn’t take a genuius to follow a scripted curriculum. Most professional teachers spend more hours in classroom management than in actual academic instruction anyway. I know, because several former school teachers are friends of mine and are also homeschooling their own children. Sadly, too many like HB continue to spew their uneducated nonsense to the detriment of us all.
Donna
On January 23, 2009 at 8:56 pm
That’s ok HB, you go ahead and send your children to public schools. It is absolutely your right to do so. Besides, what kind of lunatic actually wants to spend time with their children? Let the teachers teach them. It is their job. Besides, the Teachers are probably loads more qualified than you to teach your kids. I mean after all, we do need someone that excels at cutting lawns and picking up trash. However, I’m glad to report you won’t have to worry about them financially. Most homeschooling parents teach their children proper etiquette. (This includes how to tip appropriately.)
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