Let me preface this article by first saying that I was raised Catholic and still consider myself to be Catholic, though that statement might make my parish priest blink twice before reluctantly nodding. While I was raised Catholic, my Mother encouraged me to learn about other religions growing up, to ask questions and to understand that one belief is not necessarily any more right or wrong that another, when it comes to religions.   It was understood in my household that just because you practice one faith over another or go to this church rather than that one, it does not make you a better person.  Actions are what matter.  As a consequence I like to think that I have some tolerance when it comes to beliefs that differ from my own, though I don’t necessarily like the word tolerance-it makes me think of an older sister affectionately patting the head of a younger sibling when they have done something that’s cute but wrong. 

I feel that in order to be tolerant children who grow up to be tolerant adults, children need to learn about the various groups that they share this planet with.  Nothing breeds hate and fear like ignorance.  So in my many years of teaching I have broken with administration and general, though unspoken, public policy that the subject of religion is taboo.  In many children’s lives, religion is very important and they feel the need to discuss and share it with their peer group as well as the adults in their lives.  Wanting to be understood is a big part of wanting to understand.   I neither direct nor discourage these discussions unless the children are putting forth bigoted, intolerant, prejudiced, or hateful ideas-which has come up.

I find that during the winter holidays, with the excitement of a break from school and presents colorfully presented in every add by the media, these discussions become more prevalent.  I find that this is a perfect opportunity for the kids to learn about each other in the very multi-cultural setting that I find myself in.  I must say that over the years I have learned as much, if not more, than my students, and think that the children in my program are the better for it.  But I have come up with five rules of thumb when listening and taking part in these talks.

One:  If the discussion comes up, don’t discourage it by saying “ask your parents”.  A pretty big assumption on your part but a pretty standard response by most educators, not because they themselves lack the knowledge or ability or willingness to the discussion, but because some school cultures do not encourage such topics that can be considered ‘loaded’.  Sadly, the parents may be less qualified than the five year old, and prejudice is often learned in the home (though I would like to think all parents are wonderful, enlightened people who would thoughtfully and fully answer all of a five year old’s tough questions).

Two:  Let the children explain their own traditions.  While you might think things are done one way, you might be wrong for their particular household.  This can be kind of  hard if you have a couple of five year olds who speak in fragment sentences anyway.  Gently direct by asking questions of your own that could start with  “Do you mean….?”

Three:  Make the statement that everyone is different, everyone does things differently, and that doesn’t make you wrong or right.  Just you, which is fine and wonderful.  Bring other ideas to the table-if the question is Christmas traditions and why doesn’t Sally have a tree, show that many people around the world don’t celebrate the winter holidays with a tree, or even Christmas and it’s not even winter in Australia.  Discuss what other people do instead.

Four:  Stop negative statements by listening and intervening when necessary.  Sadly, I had to do this more than once as children regurgitate negative statements that they have heard elsewhere in their lives.  Don’t make them feel bad about it, or that they are a bad person for saying it.  It’s not their fault.  Focus on the statement, and point out why it is hurtful and what can be said instead even if it is “I don’t agree with you.”

Five:  It is okay to agree to disagree!  You might be thinking, “Wow, I can’t discuss religion with any of my co-workers, she is crazy if she thinks kids can.”  Kids can.  They can discuss better than adults who have a lifetime of insecurities and baggage to overcome in that very personal discussion. An if there are disagreements don’t make the disagreements too big of a deal.  “Hey, you guys both do things differently.  Cool.  Let’s go play kickball.”

With those five tips, remember its not a conversation you need to engineer, no matter how much you think it would benefit your group, and remember your parents.  If a child is upset or unsatisfied with how a conversation went, go ahead and tell mom/dad/guardian, or if they are a shining example of knowledge and acceptance.  I know as a parent I would like to know significant things in my child’s day.  You might get some fallout with people who think you are teaching religion, or advocating one over another, but just be calm and logical and explain that it was just a dialogue between peers who wanted to get to know each other better.  Enjoy! 

Check out my other stuff at:

• http://www.quazen.com/Recreation/Crafts/How-to-Make-Walnut-Ink.297015
• http://www.gomestic.com/Family/Green-Activities-for-Kids-to-Do-Outside.292969
• http://www.gomestic.com/Family/Getting-Kids-in-Touch-Texture-Activities-for-the-Young.305489