The “Yuk” Factor: Teaching About Health and Relationships in Schools

If you have volunteered for – or possibly been volunteered for – a sex education course, there are two essentials to remember.  Number one, establish a two-way privacy policy.  No-one shares a personal experience unless they want to – most of all you.  Secondly, embed it within a course that tackles general health and relationship issues. You may think that I am being far sighted and sensible which of course I am – but not in the way you might think. You see, I think it’s pretty important to begin by building up the ‘yuk’ factor.  This can easily be done by not only talking about the everyday trials of burgeoning adulthood like dandruff, acne and bellybutton fluff  but also the commonplace ooze and slime that constitutes everyday life.  A slight air of unease may settle over the class but do not be deterred and, with a callous adult laugh,  stride fearlessly forward to tackle body hair, sweat, constipation , athlete’s foot and warts.  By this time your class will be frozen with horror.  As a bonus, you will have demonstrated your ability to discuss these matters fearlessly and shown by your very existence that you have survived them. Yuk!

Move on to the area of adult life.  If the ‘Yuk factor’ has been satisfactorily implanted, the pupils will think you are going to be embarrassing again.  Explain that no, you are not going to be embarrassing but you are going to be gloomy. Ask pupils to list the advantages of being an adult.  The usual replies include having your own income, being able to drive, going into pubs and having sex.  Note the order of these responses. Explain that as far as having your own income is concerned, unless you inherit a vast fortune, marry that elusive millionaire or become a professional layabout, the likelihood is that you are going to have to work.  That means organising your finances, paying taxes and thinking about pensions, mortgages and life insurance – and yes, career criminals have to think about these things too.  Next, point out the dangers of driving, the cost of maintaining a car and the difficulties of the driving test. Thirdly, ask if there is anyone in the class who has a friend, acquaintance or family member whose life has not been affected by alcohol. There isn’t of course and for good measure I usually fling in the story of a colleague of mine who stepped out of a pub and trod on something large and soft in the gutter. It was one of her fourth year pupils.  He was comatose with drink and had been placed there by panic stricken friends in the hope that he would simply merge with all the other drunks.  At this point, you should sense from the cold-eyed stares that the pupils know you are going to do some sort of hatchet job on sex too –so don’t disappoint!  Launch into the dangers both physically and emotionally of casual sex.  The toothbrush analogy is always a sure winner and always draws howls of disgust, i.e. some people think nothing of sharing the most intimate parts of their body with a complete stranger but would be horrified at the thought of sharing a toothbrush with them.  Now ask them again to list the advantages of being an adult.  One of my classes wept at this point. Yuk!