The “Yuk” Factor: Teaching About Health and Relationships in Schools

 The time is now ripe to start something that could be labelled Sex Education.  I usually start with the physical differences between men and women.  This elicits a few suppressed giggles from the uncool quarter of the class which are soon stifled by black looks from the others.  However most pupils are wise to my techniques by now and with weary sighs prepare to be enlightened – and possibly depressed.  Well, according to anthropological evidence (which I found in a book, so it must be true) there is not that much physical difference between the male and female human animal.  I mean, think of frogs ( the tiny male clings to the female’s back) or pheasants (flashy, colourful male struts about and gets run over, drab female blends into the undergrowth) or mandrills ( the male of this ape species has a bottom like a pastel coloured powder puff – I know because I saw one in a Finnish zoo !).  With one swift swipe, metaphorically speaking, you can dispel a number of stereotypical prejudices. The boys will claim they are bigger and stronger than women.  Counter this claim with an easy little class experiment.  Line up the class in order of height.  Well yes, often the tallest members of the class will be male and the smallest female but a fair percentage will be of a similar height.  Ask them to think about this on a global scale – and that must mean an awful lot of men and women are of a similar size.  The  illusion of  greater male size is maintained by many women preferring a taller partner (to beget big strong babies) and men preferring smaller women (to keep up the illusion ). You might also want to mention the hormonal differences – i.e. how oestrogen gives women their curvy shape, protects their hearts and maintains their bone density and how testosterone gives men their lovely manly shape, upper body strength and, er, their male balding pattern.

 Describing the act itself requires sensitivity and a straight face. You might want to explain that men and women’s’ procreative equipment is, if you think about it in an upside down kind of way, quite similar.  In fact they are the mirror image of each other and as such, are designed to fit together like a three-dimensional jig-saw.   Of course, if the act worked as neatly and effortlessly as that there probably wouldn’t be any love songs, poetry or yeast infections.  To illustrate my point, I resort to drawing a very simple diagram not dissimilar from the British Rail logo.  This means that a few of the class will end up thinking that having sex is a bit like being on a train journey – hot, sticky, uncomfortable and subject to frequent failure. Yuk!

Asking for lists of the number of contraceptives for women (14 at the last count) and those for men (two, isn’t it?) does tend to throw the weight of responsibility onto the girls but at least it brings the word ‘responsibility’ into play.  It also brings those familiar words, “It’s so-oo unfair”, to which the only answer is the equally familiar, “but that’s life, dear”. On the subject of contraception, telling the class that they will not reach full adult maturity until they are 53 seems to have worked for me – in over thirty five years of pastoral care I’ve never had to deal with a schoolgirl mum. Actually the only pregnancy I’ve really had to do something about was a pair of oystercatchers nesting on the roof above my office.  Yuk!

  The final element in the course covers sexually transmitted diseases and I must say that one of the class asked if I could discuss war atrocities or personal finance instead. Undeterred, I started with the mildly uncomfortable, through past the horrendously embarrassing and ended with the definitely life-threatening.  The air of revulsion was positively palpable. Yuk!

  In spite of my efforts, I haven’t managed to put any of them off and when you ask youngsters what it is they want most from life, I’m afraid you will find that being in a loving relationship is still top of the list.  Aaaah!